I feel like I complain on here a lot, and I feel badly about that. I'm really not this much of a complainer, usually. This is my place to vent and complain, however, so that's probably why.

Days like today, though, remind me of why I'm so happy (in general). Today was such a good day, and nothing spectacular happened.

I went to the Sub Officer's Spouses Assoc. meeting this morning, which was fun. It's probably only fun to me because I get to be around women with whom I have at least a little bit in common. That's rare, so it's always nice.

Then I had lunch with a great friend, and got to have more friend/grown up time. It's even better because KB loves her so much!

I met KB's new sitter today, which was one of the highlights. She's not too expensive, and I think she'll be great for KB. She's actually keeping her tomorrow morning so I can go to the stupid GD clinic and get trained on how to prick my fingers. (Blah)

Then we came home and met the cable guy, who fixed our cable problems! He made the channels that weren't working, work! Magic! And he made our enhanced features that weren't working, work too! More magic!

Then, the absolute highlight of my entire day:

KB was playing on the floor. She looked up and smiled at me, then she crawled over, kissed my knee (the closest part of my body she could reach) and then crawled back over to play. It was the sweetest thing that's happened to me in a long time, and that says a lot when I have KB as a little girl. She's always offering up hugs and kisses and giggles, and they remind me why I love being a mommy so much.

All of these great things took place on my Honey's birthday, but he wasn't with us today since he had duty :(  We've already done his birthday dinner, but I think I'm going to make him something delicious tomorrow anyway. Maybe a cheesecake? I've never made one before, so hopefully he'll be forgiving if it doesn't turn out well.  I also plan to let him sleep through the wake ups tomorrow night, because I'm the best wife ever!

• It isn't just about abortion, folks. If this law was only about abortion, and had no unintended consequences, I'd be all for it. In fact, if there was a bill up for vote that strictly said "Abortion should be banned in all cases except those where the mother's life is in danger." I'd vote yes in a heartbeat. Banning abortion, however, is not the only thing Proposition 26 could do.

• Proposition 26 could make it illegal to purchase the Day After Pill, which is not an abortion pill. The Day After Pill prevents implantation. While I don't agree with people using it as a form of birth control, I could see where it could come in handy, such as in cases of rape.

• Proposition 26 could make women who smoke and drink during their pregnancies, and then happen to have a miscarriage, criminals.

• Proposition 26 could outlaw some other forms of contraception, such as IUD's.  HELLO?! Mississippi has an incredibly high teenage pregnancy rate. We definitely don't need to outlaw any forms of contraception.

• Proposition 26 could outlaw certain types of genetic research and manipulation.

• Proposition 26 could make a doctor a criminal if he were to end a pregnancy or deliver a baby when the mother's life is in danger. There are situations where the baby's life may be at risk if he/she is delivered at that time, but the mother's life is most definitely at risk. For instance, pre-eclampsia, toxemia and you got it: HELLP Syndrome.  

I've had more than one conversation recently about the "importance" of Facebook.  I feel like I've devoted entirely too much of my life to a website, but I don't know how to quit! I know for a fact that I could never just deactivate my account and step away. It's far too good of a tool for keeping up with friends and family, especially when we live so far apart. It just wouldn't be feasible to email all the pictures and updates of Katie Beth to our various family members and friends. My friend mentioned taking a break from Facebook and spending more time on her blog, and that may be an idea for me.  I would enjoy spending more time on my blog, that part is for sure.

So what's bothering me?

Everything.

Facebook used to be fun!  Now all I ever see are things that are insanely stupid, or political debates, or hurt feelings, or something else that makes me angry.  I see rudeness, obnoxiousness, and ignorance.  I don't allow those things in my REAL life, so why would I want to read about them online? It just makes my blood pressure go up.

Recently I've seen Facebook...

Wait.

Let me stop right there.

It is not Facebook's fault that people act the way they do on there.  It isn't Mark Zuckerberg's fault that people lose all social awareness when they let their fingers do the talking.  I need people to understand that just because their words are coming through a computer screen does not make them any less THEIR WORDS.  I think people get braver when they know the reader isn't looking them in the eye, and it makes me sad. Your words can be just as hurtful and harmful when they are written in an online medium as they are when said face to face. Really, folks.. you need to remember that.

So, I will change my words to say this:  Recently I've seen people USE Facebook to ruin friendships, relationships, families.. and I hate it.

Then there are the things that just make me roll my eyes. Seriously, people? Your relationship does not belong on Facebook. Sure, I talk about my Honey on Facebook all the time. Know what I don't do? Post when we argue. Post when we stop arguing. Post that we just made up, for Heaven's sake.. (You know what I mean!)

I know I'm not the first person to come to this conclusion, and I surely won't be the last. I also know that many of you are scoffing at my attempt at laying off Facebook. And sure, it may not come to anything. Then again, I may just post less on there, and more often on here and Twitter. I definitely will not be deactivating my account.. I mean, after all, where would I get my drama fix??

I have an embarrassing confession to make. And I really mean embarrassing.. Not like, "I still use a nightlight", or "I loved Twilight!" I'm talking really embarrassing. I'm writing it here because I have to get it out, and I am really too embarrassed to talk to any of my friends in real life.. even my husband.  You've been warned.

I, Emily, am absolutely petrified that Doomsday is going to happen any day, and I can't remember a time when I didn't think like this.  I don't advertise it because I don't want people to think that I actually believe the things I see in movies or whatever.  I don't! I am just so afraid of what my world would be like if they did happen.  I absolutely refused to go see Armageddon with my sane, normal 14 year old friends when it came out. I was too afraid to watch it! I never saw the other one that came out that year, either.. the one with the ugly guy with the weird face... Oh, Elijah Wood.

I was probably the only 14 - 15 year old I knew of who was so terrified of Y2K. I remember sneaking used soda bottles, filling them with water, and storing them in the tornado shelter. I did that for months until somebody found them. Then my family made me feel silly, as they should have. Somebody pointed out to me that the water wouldn't still be good in bottles that weren't sealed.  Oh. 15 year old me didn't think that one through..  I vividly remember going with my grandmother to visit her sister on Dec. 31, 1999.  She had CNN or something similar on tv, and they showed where midnight came and went in Japan, and nothing bad happened. I calmed down a little then.  My three best friends came over that night so we could ring in the New Year together. At 12:00, the radio station we were listening to play "It's The End of The World As We Know It", went completely silent. I almost lost my mind before the DJ came over the air and said "Just kidding!"

When I first read about the Mayan calendar prophecy for 2012, I didn't exactly panic, because I was older and wiser.  I did, however, let it creep into a little place in my brain where it's been hiding out all this time. It sneaks up on me every now and then and I have little paranoid moments. For example: It is imperative in my mind that my family be away from Hawaii when Dec. 22, 2012 comes. We must not be here! Volcanoes may erupt! Tsunamis may crash over the entire island! We must be with our families in Mississippi or Tennessee, where there are no close volcanoes or beaches.

SEE?!  I'm crazy, and it's driving me even crazier!  I don't know what's made it worse lately.. if it's all of the crazy weather and natural disasters, or if it's the History Channel showing 2012 disaster scenario/scare-the-beejeebus-out-of-people shows on some morbid 24 hour loop.  What I do know is that I'm so sick of thinking about it. I want to live like a normal 26 year old woman, not like some Doomsday prophecy freak! I don't want to feel like I should be stock-piling canned goods in my laundry room.

As a Christian, I was raised to believe that God would care for his children.  I believe that, I really do.  But, just what if God's plan is for us to suffer through some of the Tribulations that Revelations promise?  I can't help thinking about it! Last week I mentioned all of this to my little brother, whose advice was to stop watching the news. I really think I should, but I don't think that will happen.

Now, for the last little bit. I'm sure there is someone who will read this and think "I do that, too!"  I can't decide if I want you to tell me that you do or not. Rather than thinking that I might be justified in this craziness, I'd prefer to think that it's all silliness. I would love for somebody to point out to me how ridiculous this is. Use scripture, use your own logic, whatever you've got.. but somebody, for the love of Pete, tell me to stop!

I've written before about how I'm a defiant eater.  As ridiculous as this sounds, I am even defiant toward myself. I'll get on a good streak of eating healthy, and then I'll think "Wait a minute.. I haven't eaten something terrible for me in 3 days!  I can do it if I want to, by golly!"  So, inevitably I do.  I run through a drive through or order a pizza or something of that nature.  I don't know why I do that, except for the fact that I just like bad-for-me food.  I seriously LOVE fried food.  (I'm Southern, for goodness sake!  I can fry anything, AND make it taste good!)  But it never fails that two things happen when I let my defiant nature take over:  #1, I feel guilty, guilty, guilty, and #2, I think "What's the point?"

I'm always aware that I have fantastic friends, but my last blog post proved it.  The outpouring of support that I received from y'all made me feel so much better.  Many of you had the same thing to say: "No, KB may not experience the same things you did growing up, but she will have other amazing experiences!"  I guess I never really let that sink in before now.  I've thought about it a few times, like when she got her passport at 3 months old.  That was crazy to me!  I didn't have a passport until I was 22!

But everybody is right.. She'll have amazing experiences that I've never really considered.  Going to spend the week with grandparents will be a fun trip, not an everyday thing.  And maybe going to Florence will be like a trip to the country.  Haha.. That makes me laugh.  I mean, Florence is country and all, but.. well, never mind.  It's hard to explain.

So, while I'm talking about Florence, here's another thing that's been on my mind a lot lately.  I am feeling so nostalgic!  I don't know why, but pretty much everything I see or hear reminds me of one person or another from my past.  I'm talking random people, too.  Like the roommate I had (and haven't seen since) my Sophomore year.  I would still consider her a friend, though we talk very rarely, but I don't think about her all the time or anything.  And the boy I had a crush on in 9th grade?  Wonder what he's up to now?  Well, I don't wonder much.. there is Facebook after all.  It's just weird how I'm thinking so much about my past when I am so very happy with my present.  Maybe it's just that time of year or something..

This is something I've really been struggling with for the past few weeks, so I want to ask for advice from my friends.  I am lucky enough to have friends all over the world who can help me understand or at least come to terms with this situation.

I am really struggling with the fact that KB's grandparents and great-grandparents can't be a part of her every-day life.  Coming from a background where I spent a significant amount of time with my grandparents, this is especially hard.  I love the feeling of a full heart that I get when I'm with my whole family.  It truly makes me sad that she won't know that feeling, at least not in the way that I do.

Now, don't get me wrong, we are very happy here.  I'm not sitting around crying because I'm homesick. I've done it before for sure, but this feeling is totally different.  And to be honest, both sides of our family are very good about not complaining too much.  They do complain that they are missing her, but I think it's fairly reasonable.  I miss them being around for the little things, too.

I think a big part of what is making this harder right now is that my family is throwing a birthday party for my 94 year old great-grandmother on Saturday.  She's never met KB because I was wary of taking an infant into a nursing home.  But now all I can think about is how much I want to be there with them this weekend.

Today was a huge growing day for me.  I really want to come home, but after a lot of thought, I've decided not to.  I don't want to become accustomed to running home whenever things get a little tough.  That's not me. I'm stronger than that. But this feeling is totally beyond me.  Like I said, I am very happy here; happier, in fact, than I ever was in Guam, so why can't I get this off my mind?

So how do I deal with my family issue?  How do I make it ok that KB will not likely ever experience whole-family Sunday dinners on a regular basis?  She won't have her spot at the dinner table, or know exactly what her grandmother's house smells like first thing on Summer mornings, when all she wants to do is sleep because her cousin kept her awake all night talking about boys. ("But you must get up at a reasonable hour, dear, or your whole sleep schedule will be off when you go back to school", she would say with a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.  To this day, smelling cigarettes first thing in the morning is very comforting to me.  Weird, huh?)  I so want my little girl to be close with her extended family, and not just via Skype and emails.  I want her cousin Shelby to be like her big sister. I want her aunt and uncles to be the coolest people around because they check her out of school to go to the zoo.  This is really hard for me right now, so any encouragement or advice would be appreciated.

I just ordered a pizza and I'm wearing one of my favorite t-shirts.  I sat down on the couch and grabbed my plastic tumbler full of cold water, and thought, "Man.. these are some of my favorite things ever!"  Move over, Julie Andrews, because here's my list.  For no reason other than I want to think about things that make me happy.

Pizza, but not just any pizza.  I love gourmet pizzas, but my favorite is this:  pepperoni, mushrooms, green peppers and pineapple.  Is that an odd combination?  I didn't know I liked pineapple on pizza until I spent a few months pregnant.  At that point I realized that I like fruit in pretty much any dish, with any topping.

T-shirts.  I love me some t-shirts.  I have two that I wear over and over and over because they're just so stinking soft.  One is light blue and says "Ain't Oxford Grand" with the North Face symbol on the back.

The other one is the very first Ole Miss t-shirt that I bought in Oxford.  It's the famous "OLE MISS We're not snobs... We're just better than you."  t-shirt.  There are so many reasons that I love this shirt.  Number one, it's the first one I ever bought.  I got it my Freshman year and I was so proud.  Two, I was once wearing it in the Atlanta airport when a guy chased me down just so that he could see the back of it.  He laughed so hard.  Turns out, he went to State.  Number 3 is a little bizarre.  Jason accidentally took it home with him the first time we were dating.  I had no idea what had happened to my favorite t-shirt.  After we started dating again, Jason failed to mention that he still had it.  I found it when I was unpacking his clothing boxes in Guam.  I was so excited!  Not only was my very favorite t-shirt returned to me, but Jason had kept it all along.. even when he hated my guts :)  And number 4, it got me chased down when we were in HI..  by an elderly gentleman, who, you guessed it.. went to State.  Turns out, it's a great conversation starter.

I love plastic tumblers.  I will choose a plastic cup over a glass any day of the week.  I mean, seriously.. Unless I'm entertaining, I just don't see the sense in using a big heavy glass.  I sort of think they're obnoxious.  Jason will go for them every time, and it annoys me to no end.  (Now that I think about it, that's a really stupid thing to be annoyed at..  Poor Jason, dealing with my little quirks.)  Maybe I associate glasses with extra dish-washing since Mammaw never let us put them in the dishwasher.  Blah.. Give me plastic!  Even better if it's one of the awesomely insulated tumblers that come with lids.. I love those things!

I also love beverages in plastic cups, oddly enough.  I hate cans.  I hate bottles.  I want my beverage in ice, in a plastic cup.  Preferably with a straw, unless the beverage is tea.  Tea should only be drank with a straw if one is drinking from a McAllister's or Newk's cup.  My GOD, I'm neurotic!  My favorite beverage is cold water.  It always has been.. Even as a kid I'd go for water before a soda, tea, juice, or (shivers) milk.  Milk is disgusting, FYI.

Make up.  I have a make up problem, and I always have.  I remember this little problem starting sometime in junior high.  It only compounded when Mom started working for Lancome, and it got so much worse when she ran a Chanel counter.  I have, literally, hundreds of eye shadow colors.  Hundreds.  Ok, maybe more like dozens, but probably close to 100.  The quirky thing here is that I rarely wear make up.  We have to be going on a date, or I have to be meeting a group for lunch to wear it.  I'm too lazy to worry with applying it and later washing it off.

I have listed for you some completely random things that make my day better.  I could go on with this list for hours.  I'm purposefully leaving out how much I love my amazing husband, my beautiful daughter, and our life together.  I think I write about them too much :)

First of all, this isn't an Emily is trying to lose weight blog, though it certainly could be.  This also isn't a philosophical blog.  Yet.  This is a straight forward, matter of fact, truth blog.

Preparing for our move to Hawaii has brought a lot to my mind.  I was in the shower just now when I realized how much crap we have.  Our master bathroom could be used as a metaphor for our cluttered lives.  In the shower, there are 2 cans of shaving cream (both mine), 3 razors (2 mine, 1 Jason's), 4 loofahs (2 for each of us), 4 bottles of shower gel (2 each), 4 bottles of shampoo (3 are mine..) and 3 bottles of conditioner (all mine). Why, why, WHY do I have multiples of everything?  Why don't I throw anything away?  And even more curiously, why does Jason, a man, have multiple bottles of shower gel??

It doesn't end there.  Just stroll over to my vanity and you will find 2 tubes of deodorant, 2 bottles of eye makeup remover and 2 little tubs of moisturizer.  Just so you know, the 2 containers of makeup remover and moisturizer are exact duplicates.  And furthermore, all 4 have been opened.. I'm not just saving one for when the other one runs out.  Under my vanity is just as bad.  2 cans of mousse, 2 cans of hairspray.. (I NEVER do my hair.  I have this terrible habit of thinking that I'm going to look extra hot on a night out if I buy hair products.  Nope.  I look the same.)  There are 3 bottles of lotion on my vanity, and 3 under it.  And, to top it all off, there are 6 contact lens cases.

Alright, so what is wrong with me?  Do I see something in the store and think that I just absolutely can't live without it, even though I have the exact same thing at home?  Do I think that this product must be better than it's predecessor, even though they have the same ingredients?  I'm really annoyed with myself over this, and I didn't even get into the terrible make up habit.  Hello, 3 tubes of unopened mascara.

So now I'm obsessed with using things up so that I don't have to pack them.  I'm starting with the bottles of shampoo that have the least in them and using them first.  Different strategy with the body wash - I'm using the huge bottle in hopes of only having to pack the small bottle.  I'm randomly choosing scented lotions when I get out of the shower instead of my traditional Vaseline brand stuff.

Oh, and I'm going to stop buying crap.  Seriously.. This is a problem.

So Jason is gone again, and I sit here annoyed with myself that I wasn't home with him for the past week.  I'm not going to complain that I am home with my family and friends.. that would be extremely obnoxious.  But it really bothers me that I will never be able to have both my husband and my family (to include my best friends).

During a phone conversation the other night, Jason told me that he had calculated all of the days we have between now and sometime in April when he will return from his last mission with this command.  Of the days left, he calculated the ones we will have together, those where we will be apart but able to talk, and those where he will be underway.  I don't know what all of the numbers added up to, but he said that we will spend 68% of our time apart between now and April.  68 percent.  Marriages aren't meant to be spent apart, much less 68 percent of the time.

I am so proud of what Jason does, and I'm even more proud of how he feels about what he does.  Being in the Navy, and being a Submarine Officer isn't just a paycheck to Jason.  He genuinely loves his job.  He doesn't always like the climate in which he works, and he usually hates the amount of time he spends at work, but he loves the work.

To be fair, I love the Navy life.  I love everything about it except the time we spend apart, and the fact that there will almost never be a time where we live close to either of our hometowns.  I know that isn't a big deal to most people.  If my family wasn't in my hometown, it wouldn't be to me, either.  I definitely don't have any emotional ties to my high school or anything.  I am, however, extremely attached to my family and to the friends I have here.  In fact, I don't think I'm attached like most people are.. I think my family goes above and beyond with the closeness thing.  Even while in Guam, I talk to Mom almost every day, Mammaw a few times a week, and Dad at least once a week.  I miss them so much while I'm a gajillion miles away.

But the flip side of that is Jason.  I learned last Fall that my real home will always be where he is.  If he decides to make the Navy his career, and drags me all over the globe to do it, so be it.  If home changes every two years for the next sixteen, fine.  If our kids never make lifelong friends because they move so often... Well, I just hope they don't resent us for it.  In fact, I hope they appreciate the fact that they will have passports before they even eat solid food.  Katie Beth's is actually already applied for, when I didn't get my first passport until I was 22!

All of this to say, I miss my husband and I'm sad I wasn't in our home when he got there.  I'm grateful for the time I get to spend with my family here.  I'm even more grateful that Katie Beth will have good relationships with her grandparents and great grandparents because we will come home often.  But I really miss my husband.