So, I had this post pretty much written the other day when I posted Part 1. But now, after talking to some more friends, I think this post is going to go in a different direction. I think it's pretty important to talk about some of the things women go through after childbirth. When I wrote that I was tired and anxious and depressed, I didn't go into detail. Another friend basically pulled that out of me when she said it had happened to her, too.

From the moments I knew they were inside me, I loved my babies. There was never any question. I loved feeling every kick, every hiccup, I prayed that they would be healthy and bright, and above all, happy. It never occurred to me that I might should pray that I would be happy as well.

Katie's birth story was pretty amazing, and you can read about it here - http://emilynjason.blogspot.com/2010/08/day-we-became-family.html . And as happy as I was that she was ok, that she was healthy, and as much as I loved her, I did not feel attached to her. It wasn't the mother-daughter birth story you read about.. I wanted every good thing for her, and I felt the natural urge to do everything I could to ensure her health and happiness. She was my daughter. But, as another friend put it, I felt more like the babysitter. I was there to feed and comfort her, and to read to her and count her toes, but surely she belonged to someone else?

I felt like this for Katie for a very long time. Later, once I realized that most people do not feel that way, I realized it must have been a form of PTSD from the way she was born. Or maybe it was because I was stressed so mentally because Jason was deployed. To be sure, it got better when I was only a month out from Jason coming home. And interestingly enough, this is also the time I decided to get back on birth control.

This was December of 2010. Looking back on it, I know this is about the time I started to really connect with Katie. I always assumed that was because this was our first opportunity alone. We moved back to Guam and it was just us, waiting on Daddy. And I felt great! I was happy!

I stayed on birth control until June of 2011, when we decided to try and conceive Baby Fred #2. Turns out that we're crazy people, and we conceived on the very first shot. I was officially pregnant and telling friends we were expecting #2 within 2 weeks. I guess my body levels out a bit with pregnancy, because I didn't have any emotional problems while I was pregnant with Geeby.

And then the pregnancy went off without a hitch. I spent a long time worrying, and he came out perfect. Small, but perfect. But soon after he was born, and probably soon after the pregnancy hormones wore off, I began to feel about him the same as I had felt about Katie in the beginning. I didn't realize it was something I could fix with medication.. I honestly just thought I was a terrible person. Here was this little boy that I loved so much, but I just couldn't force myself to feel like he was really, really my SON.

And now you already know the story between then and now. I figured it out, and I am so happy I did. In fact, I'm genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. There are things that stress me still, for sure! But I'm getting back to being me, and I am so happy about that. I know there are a few people who read this that I can count on for prayers, and I want to say thank you to them. I love y'all so much! And in case anyone is wondering, I feel 100% crazy mama bear attached to my two beautiful babies.

I wrote a while back that a lot of things had been happening, and I honestly didn't even know where to begin to write. I have really felt afraid that if I started to write, I wouldn't be able to stop because it would all just pour out of me. And trust me, there are some things that a lot of people just don't want to hear. But more importantly, there are two very tiny people who would much rather I play with them and occasionally cook them breakfast. And lunch. And sometimes dinner.

I'm going to try to post an abbreviated version, because I do think it's important to post my whole story. Though it won't be life changing for anybody else, my life has changed very much on the inside over the last year. Where I am now doesn't seem very significant if you don't know where I was 6 months ago.

Last April, something happened..I wasn't me anymore. I was anxious, depressed, tired.. constantly on the verge of tears. But, I was also in the process of a PCS move, where I would be single-momming it for a month, then going with  my husband to a 3 week school 3 states away, and oh you know.. raising 2 babies under 2. I felt like I had a right to be anxious, tired and depressed.

Toward the end of the Summer, it got worse. My first thoughts were the same.. "I'm a stay at home mom with two very little babies. Maybe I just need a break." So I enrolled Katie in Preschool 2 days a week. That didn't help. I was still just as stressed when I only had Garrett to care for.

Then I made a friend and got a hobby! That's what moms are supposed to do to keep their sanity, right? So I was following the rules. Well, that didn't help, either. (To be fair, I do now have this friend, and she is wonderful! And I'm so thankful for her! And I do pretty much adore sewing more than anything else I've ever done.)

Also, around this time I saw a doctor. I told him what was up with me, and he suggested an Anti-Depressant. He said he thought it was Post-Partum Depression. I disagreed, and in a big way.

Then, it came time for Christmas, and I thought maybe the holidays were just adding to my stress and anxiety levels.. maybe it would all level off after the holidays. Nope. That didn't happen, either. But around Christmas is when I began to realize there was something else going on. It wasn't just new mom stress. I felt really, really off.. So, obviously, I turned to Dr. Google with my symptoms. Once I got to clicking around, I found more and more that sounded like me. I don't remember where I found this to cite it, but I found one article that said "If you have 6 of these 14 symptoms, you should really see your doctor." I had 10!

It's not some scary disease, it's just too much Estrogen, but here are some of the symptoms:

Anxiety
Depression
Insomnia
Water retention
Nausea
Vomiting
Fatigue
Irregular periods
Breast swelling and tenderness
Fibrocystic breasts
Increased PMS symptoms
Loss of sex drive
Uterine fibroids
Cravings for sweets
Weight gain
Headaches
Recurring yeast infections
Leg cramps
Cold hands and feet
Hair thinning


Of that list of 20, I had 13 symptoms. Can you just take a second and imagine what it feels like to always have PMS? That's what I felt like! I felt like I was going nuts.. always so emotional and exhausted. So back to the Dr. I went, and I listed him my symptoms. As soon as I started describing how I felt, he mentioned an anti-depressant again. And he mentioned a therapist again. Once I got through the physical things that were going on, he agreed that it might be hormonal and agreed to do a test. But in the mean time, he would really prefer that I see a therapist. "Oh, and here's a prescription for an anti-depressant."

So, about a week later, my hormone test results came in. Or, at least that's when they called me and said I really needed to see a Gynecologist.

During the time between seeing my doctor and finally getting in to see a Gyno, I did see a therapist a few times. After our first assessment, she *strongly* recommended that I actually take the anti-depressant I had been prescribed. I didn't want to! I felt like taking that would just mask whatever might be going on with me, and that whatever WAS going on with me was not just a chemical in my brain.. it was something else. But, since two medical professionals had pushed it, and after talking to some friends and family members, I decided to take it. Umm.. Once. That was miserable and terrible and God-awful. I had some of the gross side effects, and yeah... that business is not for me.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I saw my new Gyno. Estrogen was through the roof. Fortunately for me, there is an easy fix, and that's birth control pills. I wasn't thrilled about going back on them, especially since I've had my tubes tied, but on them I went. And now, two months in, things are finally better. I finally feel like Emily again!

Part 2 coming tomorrow! Thanks for bearing with  me long enough to read this!

I always sort of thought that Christmas with babies would be so much more fun than Christmas in college, or Christmas as a newlywed. It just had to be, right? 

Right.

KB started school on the 5th. Please don't think I'm a terrible stay at home Mommy for having her start school at 2. She only goes for 3 hours a day, 2 days a week. And I can assure you, she was beyond ready. By her 2nd birthday, she knew all of the basic colors, could count to 10, and knew the entire alphabet, even out of order. Want to see??



So maybe you can understand how I could feel it was time that she got a little professional teaching. Another important thing was friends. This kid is a super social creature, and I think she needed a little more interaction from kids her age. She was getting 1 hour a week at gymnastics, and 1 hour a week at church, but she needs to play!

First day of school!

So very excited!

And play, she does. On her very first morning, she kissed me goodbye and ran off on her own. On her second day, I showed up to get her and asked if she was ready to come home. She said, "No. Bye, Mommy!" and ran off to keep playing with a little boy.  Every morning we go, she sits in her car seat and sings "New friends, I see my new friends!" on repeat. 

I love her teacher, Ms. Julie! I think she genuinely cares about all of the kids in the class. And, she has great ideas for crafts! Katie comes home with something she has made every day she goes, and she's so proud of it! She shows it to me with a big flourish, and then we hang it on the refrigerator together. 

This week's fridge art. We change it out weekly!

While I felt really guilty for putting KB in school at first, now I'm so glad we did it. She's growing even more as a beautiful, intelligent young girl, and I get 6 hours a week to spend with only Thing 2. Of course, he naps 4 of those 6 hours, but that's alright, too.

Wow. It's been a long time since I took a month off from writing. In fact, I'm not sure I ever have. The life of my little family has been so insanely busy over the last month that I wasn't able to even think about writing. Things have finally settled down a little bit, so my brain is able to hold a little more. 

My babies have been growing and changing a lot in the past 35 days. Baby G has had a bunch of drastic changes. In the past month, he's eaten a bunch of new foods, cut his first tooth, started arm-crawling around the house, and finally slept through the night at 6 months old. Whoa, that was a long 6 months!

Katie learned the entire alphabet, learned to count to 10, turned 2, had a big birthday party, and then started school for the very first time. See all those updates? That sounds like a bunch of writing to me.

As for Honey and I, we've been busy putting our house together, and getting used to being around each other all the time. We just ended our longest streak of nights in the same bed together last week at a whopping 77 nights! That's a whole 77 days without a single duty day, or night spent on the boat for work, and it was amazing. I'm telling y'all, Shore Duty is every single bit it was cracked up to be! Alas, Honey is recruiting for NUPOC, so that means a bit of travel. In fact, he'll be in and out a lot this Fall. That's ok though, because in exchange, he works shorter hours when he's home. I can handle a few days here and there, I think. I think.

And now I'm going to get back into my routine of writing while the Tinies nap.. at least I hope I am. 

It's true. Almost every single thing that parents note about their babies is different with Baby G.

At 18 weeks (adjusted, so when she was actually 18 weeks + 7 weeks) Katie had been sleeping through the night for well over a month. And I'm not talking any of this "five hours is considered sleeping through the night" garbage. I'm talking, sleeping from 7:00 pm to 8:00 am. It was amazing.

Here at 18 weeks Baby G has yet to sleep through the night. He'll give us a good 7 hour stretch once or twice a week, but that's it. For the most part he still wakes twice a night for bottles.

From about 3 weeks (again, adjusted) until she was nearly 9 months old, feeding KB was a nightmare. It hurt for her to drink anything because of her reflux so we had to literally hold her arms and force bottles down her. I'm telling you, it was heartbreaking every time. She wasn't a big fan of food, either, so I would try new things every few days but mostly just let her do her own thing. "Her own thing" was fewer than 20 oz of formula most days, and it drove me insane.

Baby G, on the other hand, is like a bottomless pit. He drinks at least 30 oz of formula most days, some days more or less. We started solids at 4 months, and you should see this kid suck down sweet potatoes! Oh wait, you can:

Geeby is almost out of 3 month clothes at 4 months old, whereas KB didn't get out of 3 month clothes until she was almost 1. He loves his binky at nap time and she never, ever would take one. Katie never played with toys, she preferred to watch us. G could spin the little noise-maker on his car seat for hours! Or at least for 30 minutes or so.. Katie didn't watch tv until she was over a year old, but Garrett will crane his neck as hard as he can to see the tv.

 The differences just don't end! I suppose this is why new parents always hear "Don't worry, every baby is different!"

So there I was, sailing happily along because the Big Girl Bed Transition went so smoothly. It even went smoothly when she had to sleep in a bed that was nearly three feet off the ground at Mammaw's house. At the suggestion of a friend (who heard it from another friend), we put swim noodles under the fitted sheet to create a barrier. It worked just as well as a baby gate, and cost about 1/10 the price! Woohoo for a $3 solution! She slept that way for 5 days, both bedtimes and naps, and she only fell out once! 


Then, suddenly, Katie realized that Mommy and Daddy were only 10 feet away, and she could get to us if she just crawled out of bed! For 3 nights, Honey and I played that game. She would peek around the door with her cute little face and smile so big - like we had been playing hide-and-seek and she found us. For  3 nights, we would make her walk back across the room and then we would place her in her sofa bed and tuck her in.. Again. We must have done that 5 times each of those 3 nights. 


Then yesterday at nap time I knew we had to quit. If we kept going in there and tucking her back in, we'd be  doing it until she went to college. 


So, after the 3rd time yesterday, I told her it was for real. "Katie, this is the last time Mommy is tucking you back in bed. If you get out of bed again, you will have to sleep on the floor." (She can't climb back into the bed alone yet.) 


When she started crying at our door, I was stuck! I told her I wasn't coming back in, and I knew I couldn't go back on it. So, for 6 minutes I sat in my bed and heard the following:


"Moooooommmmmmyyy!"
:Crying:
"Daaaaaaadddddddddyy!"
:More crying:
"Mommy wake? Daddy wake? Geeby wake?" - Yeah, she was even trying to recruit her little brother into helping her.
:More crying:
"Mommy room?"
:Screaming crying:
"Mooooooooommmmmmmmyyyyy!"


After 6 minutes of awful, I told Honey he had to go in there. I told Katie I wasn't coming back, but I didn't say anything about Daddy not coming back! So he went and tucked her back in and a few minutes later, I found this:




As it turns out, Honey asked if she wanted to be tucked back in bed, or if she wanted to sleep on the floor. Obviously she sobbed "The beeeeeeeeeeeddddd!", so he tucked her in and that was that.


Bed time last night went a little more smoothly. We only had to tuck her back in twice before she fell asleep. And just now at nap time, she went right to sleep without getting out of bed at all!


The moral is, I know that sometimes Mommy-ing is hard, but the hard things are worth it. Listening to your baby cry for you specifically is terrible! Knowing that all you have to do to fix your baby's (immediate) problem is to open that door and hug her, but also knowing that you can't, is AWFUL. My baby's real problem wasn't that she needed me - she didn't. What she needed was to stay in bed and get a good, restful sleep. It only took 2 days of a little tough Mommy-ing, and she's back to being my good sleeper.

I usually don't write about the "bad" things that my sweet baby girl does. I use the term "bad" very loosely. Really, she's an almost-two-year-old.. you can't expect text book perfection. More importantly, she's a very strong-willed, independent almost-two-year-old and she just has more personality than "perfection" could handle. Anyway, life with that sweet, hard-headed little thing has been a little less than fun and games the past few days.


Katie is now almost a big girl, so a few weeks ago she got her big girl bed. She was perfectly happy in her crib, but Baby G needed it since he had outgrown his bassinet. To make the transition a little easier, I got the brightest, prettiest, KBiest bed set I could find.






I sat KB down and told her that it was time to sleep in a big girl bed and she was so excited! We started with the mattress on the floor so she could get used to it. I opened the door and this happened:








Needless to say, she loved it. This is how the first week went:







Yes, every night. We could hear her playing and talking to her babies for about 30 minutes and then she was out. There were a few nights where I went to check on her and found her asleep on the floor, but otherwise, the transition went as smoothly as it possibly could have. 


And then this week happened, but my sleeping beauty is now up from her nap so that is a story for tomorrow. So consider this Part One.

Now it's time for Silly Songs With Mommy, the part of the show where Mommy comes out and sings a silly song.

Here's a confession post, and it's something I feel like I'm not supposed to say.

I really miss working.

Don't worry, I can already feel the mental slaps from hundreds of women, many of my friends, coming my way.

I never, ever expected that I'd be a stay at home mom. To be really honest, I never expected that I would have that luxury. I am incredibly blessed to be able to stay at home with my babies, and I know that. But I really, really miss working.

I suppose the grass is always greener. I know full well that if I had a 40 hour a week job, I would want nothing more than to spend all day, every day with my beautiful babies. And to be honest again, I don't really want to *not* be with them, either. There's no way I would give up watching all the firsts I've been able to watch happen! I can't stand the thought of someone else spending all day with my babies while we are financially able to let me do that.

But on the other hand... I miss leaving the house every day. I miss the majority of my conversation taking place with an adult. As much as I love repeating every single word KB says, which I do, (I did it just because it felt natural, but as it turns out, it really helps their verbal abilities. Who knew?!) I sometimes would just enjoy quiet. I sort of envy people who get to spend a little time in traffic, alone with their thoughts.

I know what's caused this. Besides the fact that it's been a little over three years since I held a full-time job, my new problem is that I haven't made SAHM/W friends in Memphis yet. Memphis isn't a typical military city, so there aren't a million wives and kids hanging out while their husbands/daddies are working. Jason hasn't checked in to the command yet, so I haven't met any of the wives of his coworkers.

The coolest thing ever would be to find a job where I could take my babies with me. I can hold off until they start school if I need to, but if anybody has any ideas, just let me know!

There is so much happening in my life right now, that I haven't had time to even think about writing. 


Right after G was born, so about 2 months ago, Honey's boat started getting ready for Sea Trials. They've been in the Shipyard for almost a year, and it's basically crunch time. Honey started working insane hours, and we rarely got to see him. All of a sudden, I was a single mom of 2 under 2. Let me tell you, those were some of the hardest weeks of my life. Honey was leaving at 6 am and not getting home until almost 9 pm most nights. Most weeks he only saw Katie for about 20 minutes every few days, and none of us were dealing very well. Especially me.


Some things fell into place where it became possible for my mom to come help me for a while. It was initially supposed to be for the "two more weeks" that Honey would have awful work hours. Then one day he came home and said "It's not going to get better." I almost cried at those words, but I made plans instead. We asked Mom to stay for a full month, and made plans for me, KB and G to leave with her. This puts us leaving Hawaii a full month before Honey. I wasn't happy about that, but I had two options: I could be in Hawaii without him, or anyone else helping me, or I could be in Mississippi without him, but with family and friends to help me. Needless to say, I chose to move back to the Mainland.


So in this last month, we've packed out our house, cleaned it and moved into the TLF at Hickam AFB. Our stuff is officially on it's way to Tennessee, and we will follow in two days. Honey is moving in with some of the single JO's, and I know he'll have a good time -- occasionally, when he isn't at work.


People keep asking me if I'm excited, and I'm not sure how to answer. I am THRILLED to be leaving the boat, but sad to be leaving some of the people that are attached to the City of Corpus Christi. I am sad, sad, sad to be leaving Hawaii, but excited for the time we'll have with our family and friends in Tennessee. I am more than a little excited for Honey to have a normal work schedule. Dinner with my husband every night?! How extraordinary!


So here we are in the TLF, which, by the way, is fantastic. Friends in Hawaii, you have to remember to check Hickam when you are PCSing out. For $65 a night we are in a 2 bedroom fully furnished town house! We're talking a full kitchen with a dishwasher (!!!) and a full sized washer and dryer. A-mazing! And have I told anyone that it has AC?? After a full year of no air conditioning, this is bliss.


And now I finish out this over-due post with a picture from this morning. This was the first Mother's Day that I got to spend with my own mom since I became a Mommy myself. It was lovely.

Baby G's one month well baby appointment was yesterday. If I needed some encouragement to keep breastfeeding, that was it. Baby boy is growing like a weed! Here are his stats:


Birth: 6 pounds, 4 oz, 19 inches
Left hospital 5 pounds, 11 oz
One month: 8 pounds, 11 oz, 21.5 inches!


So he's gained three pounds and grown 2.5 inches in a month! Holy moly!


He's now 25th percentile for his weight and head circumference and 50th percentile for his height.


I never asked for his percentages when he was born because I didn't really want to know. I was discouraged that he was so small, and that it was my body who made him that way. It really upset me that, in my mind anyway, my body didn't nourish him and help him grow. Never mind the fact that I was 6 pounds, 7 oz and 19 inches at birth, and that Jason was 6 pounds, 13 oz and 20 inches....  Mommy brain doesn't take rationalizations into account. 


And now the men in my life can stop reading right here. Seriously, Dad, you don't want to read the next sentence. 


At least I don't think you care to read about my nipples.. 


See? I warned you.


Now that G is growing so well, I can feel proud that my body is doing real work for him. Good job, boobies!


Also, I figured out what was going on with me and why I was in so much pain after feeding. 


Turns out that the whole world isn't lying, and that some women really don't have pain and really do enjoy breastfeeding. I thought it was a malicious lie to make me feel worse about myself. 


Actually, I have a circulation problem called Reynaud's disorder, which typically occurs in fingers and toes, but can occur in breastfeeding women. (Who knew?) The blood flow kind of stops, causing my nipples to constrict. They actually turn colors, to white and blue, and hurt like the dickens. Cold air makes it about a million times worse, and our bedroom is air conditioned at night. Simply getting out of bed, and walking over to G's bassinet almost makes me want to cry. And walking through the freezer aisle at the grocery store?? Torture. Especially since I don't have a human heater husband to cuddle up on in the freezer aisle. 


So now that I have that figured out, I know how to fix it. I can take Evening Primrose Oil to treat it, drink less caffeine, and, the simplest approach, I can get a handwarmer or heating pad to keep in bed with me. If those things don't work, there is a prescription I can get from my doctor. With that in mind, I can keep on. Simply knowing that I can fix it, and that it isn't just always going to be there makes it easier. 

Our first two weeks as a family of four have passed, and I honestly don't know where they went. Garrett has been a very easy baby so far. Maybe I shouldn't even type that. Maybe I just condemned myself to a difficult baby. Dang it!

G's first trip to the park. He slept through it :)

No, but really.. these two weeks have been a lot easier than I expected. Jason was home for the first week, so I was (blessedly) able to recover from surgery and get a good bit of rest. We were on our own last week, and it went so much better than I thought it would be.

Precious sibling love

People keep asking if Katie is jealous, and I'm so happy to say that she's not. She rocks Garrett when he cries, and she says the Katie version of "He's crying!" ("He lyin, he lyin!") to me. She goes and gets diapers from the diaper drawer, and she throws them away after I change them. She pets and kisses her baby brother, and I can tell she really loves him.

See??  Kisses!

G is really easy for a newborn, I think. He eats every 3 hours during the day, but cluster feeds at night. For the first 10 days I rarely got more than 30 minutes between feedings from 8 pm to 11 pm, but that is slowing down, too. And really, it wasn't that bad because after 11 pm, he would sleep a good 4 hours. 4 hours is a lot for a newborn. (TIP: G didn't want to sleep in his bassinet the first few nights, and we didn't want him to get accustomed to sleeping on Jason's chest. Someone suggested that we put a heating pad in the bassinet, warm it up, and then turn it off before we lay him in there. That's been a life-saver! He's slept there ever since!)

Seriously.. could he be any cuter??

And one thing that's really been wonderful is that he doesn't have reflux. At least not yet..  I know the reflux could rear it's ugly head any time, but it isn't here right now. And let me tell ya, having a baby who spits up the normal amount is about a gajillion times less stressful than that reflux crap.

Hanging out in his Rock N Play, the best invention ever.

So, all this to say that our first two weeks as a family of four went surprisingly well. Now bring on week #3!

Katie Beth is a walking, talking little Lady About Town. She never stops, and quite honestly, I think it's the cutest thing ever. I've never seen such energy before! I see pictures of my friends' babies cuddling with them for story time, or even sitting down to watch a movie.. Nope. Not KB. The only time she stops is when she's tired, and then it's nap time, not cuddle with Mommy time.

I do get cuddles in the morning, and it's probably my favorite time of day. She wakes up, I change her diaper, and then we head into Mommy and Daddy's room. We climb back in the bed and cover up, and she cuddles with me for about five minutes before play time begins. It's so cute, though. She'll point to my eyes, ears, nose and mouth, and call them by name. She babbles on and on, telling me, I assume, about her dreams from the night before, and if George (her giraffe) was a good sleeping buddy. Then, about 10 minutes into our cuddle time, she announces "Berries!" which means it's time for breakfast.

Ah, berries. I have purchased more plastic containers of blueberries in the three weeks that we've been home than I have ever seen in my entire life. I'm positive she's been through a gallon of them in the past three weeks. She wants them at every single meal, and as snacks. In fact, there was a period of about two days where blueberries were all she would eat, but I blame that on teething. She even has to have them when we are in the grocery store, which I feel awful about. If we pass through the produce section, she somehow spots them immediately and starts yelling "Berries! Berries!" So inevitably, I break down and pick up a container to let her munch on them while I shop. I know that's bad.. I know they need to be washed. But it's either that or have a screaming child in the commissary. I can deal with a screaming child on my own, but I don't want to subject every other shopper to her lungs. Maybe I should pack some berries before we shop.. Why didn't I think about that before?

So, about those lungs of her's... Holy moly. I didn't realize that the "terrible two's" started so early. We're only at 15 months, people! She just turned 1! But folks, this little girl knows what she wants, when she wants it, and she thinks she knows how to get it.

Yes, I have a screaming toddler. In fact, I have a toddler who, about 2 weeks ago, screamed so hard and with such force, that she gave herself a nose bleed. Yep. I have a toddler who screams until she doesn't have air left in her lungs, then forgets to inhale, and passes out. She's done that a grand total of 5 times now. Last week she did it twice in one day. Thank Heavens, every time she has done that, she's either been in mine or Jason's arms, or lying on the floor. I would hate for her to give herself a concussion on top of it.

I brought this up with the pediatrician, and he says it's totally normal, and just a part of her temperament. He also said that she would probably outgrow it, especially if I don't give in to her demands when she's throwing such a tantrum. I *never* give in, by the way. I will NOT have a child who demands things, and then gets them. The battle of wills is starting early in my house, and so far it's Mommy 5, KB 0. I just hope I can hold out after Baby G arrives.

Dear Katie Beth,

Today you are one year old, and we have come so far from this tiny but still beautiful little thing:

Birth day!

We have had a great time over the past twelve months, haven't we?  We've traveled, played, swam in the ocean, ridden on boats, spent time with family and friends, read lots of books and had some great sweet treats.

About to leave the NICU - 28 days old

You've learned so much in the past few months! You learned to roll over, sit up, crawl, say your first word ("Dada", of course), and stand. You even have a few teeth!

Almost 2 months old!

So now that you're one, there are some things I want you to know. These are some things that I promise to you. I promise to be the best Mommy I can possibly be, and here are some ways I plan to do it.

First Thanksgiving! 3 months old

I promise to always, always tell you "Good night, I love you, sweet dreams, and I'll see you in the morning." when you go to sleep at night. I'll tell you even when I'm not there and I won't really see you the next morning. I will always answer be just a phone call away when you spend the night with your friends.  And if, when you stay with a friend for the first time, you have a little freak-out and want to come home, I promise to come get you. But only once.  I promise to help you be a strong little girl who can fall asleep at her friend's house, even if it means I have to send your favorite books in your over night bag.

On the Metro at the Dallas Airport - Headed home to Guam!

I promise to always tell you when I think other people aren't good for you, even though you probably won't listen.  I'll tell you whether those persons are new friends at your new school, or your new boyfriend when you get to college.  You'll probably get mad at me, but that's ok because I'm ready for it.

Tired after opening First Christmas presents with Daddy - 4 months  old

I promise to embarrass you in front of your friends, but not every chance I get. You'll laugh at those stories when you have your own little girl to embarrass.

First family photo shoot! - 5 months old

I promise to raise you the way I was raised, for the most part.  I will teach you to say "Yes Ma'am" and "No Sir", even when we don't live in the South and you get funny looks for saying it.  I'll teach you to say "Please" and "Thank You" and "Bless you" when someone sneezes.

Daddy comes home today! 6 months old

I promise that I'll teach you to be an open-minded and kind-hearted woman.  I promise to scold you when I hear you making fun of a person for something they can't help, and sometimes for things that they can help.

We just moved to Hawaii! 7 months old

I promise to show you how to be generous, mostly by donating the toys you don't play with to needy children, (and mostly because we'll have to move every two years anyway).

Very first Easter - 8 months old

I promise to give you the opportunity to spend time in the country with your grandparents and great grandparents. Someone will teach you how to fish, pick blueberries, drive a four-wheeler, and (sigh) maybe even take you deer hunting.  That is, if you are unlike your Mommy and you can learn to keep quiet in the deer stand.

First trip to the beach in Hawaii - 9 months old

I promise to bring cupcakes to your class for your birthday for as long as you want me to.. even if that is your Senior year of high school.  Or college. I'll be your Mommy, so I will never have any shame.

First Polo match - 10 months old

And lastly, I promise, promise, promise, that I will always be there when you need me.  I will either be on the other end of the phone, or right beside you, no matter what.  Even if you're ashamed of something you have done, or afraid of my reaction. I'll be there.

First trip to the Zoo, in St. Louis - 11 months old

I love you so much, and I can't believe how much you have already changed my life for the better. You are the answer to so many prayers, and the light of our lives.

One year old today!

Love,
Mommy