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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Home is where the heart is

So Jason is gone again, and I sit here annoyed with myself that I wasn't home with him for the past week.  I'm not going to complain that I am home with my family and friends.. that would be extremely obnoxious.  But it really bothers me that I will never be able to have both my husband and my family (to include my best friends).

During a phone conversation the other night, Jason told me that he had calculated all of the days we have between now and sometime in April when he will return from his last mission with this command.  Of the days left, he calculated the ones we will have together, those where we will be apart but able to talk, and those where he will be underway.  I don't know what all of the numbers added up to, but he said that we will spend 68% of our time apart between now and April.  68 percent.  Marriages aren't meant to be spent apart, much less 68 percent of the time.

I am so proud of what Jason does, and I'm even more proud of how he feels about what he does.  Being in the Navy, and being a Submarine Officer isn't just a paycheck to Jason.  He genuinely loves his job.  He doesn't always like the climate in which he works, and he usually hates the amount of time he spends at work, but he loves the work.

To be fair, I love the Navy life.  I love everything about it except the time we spend apart, and the fact that there will almost never be a time where we live close to either of our hometowns.  I know that isn't a big deal to most people.  If my family wasn't in my hometown, it wouldn't be to me, either.  I definitely don't have any emotional ties to my high school or anything.  I am, however, extremely attached to my family and to the friends I have here.  In fact, I don't think I'm attached like most people are.. I think my family goes above and beyond with the closeness thing.  Even while in Guam, I talk to Mom almost every day, Mammaw a few times a week, and Dad at least once a week.  I miss them so much while I'm a gajillion miles away.

But the flip side of that is Jason.  I learned last Fall that my real home will always be where he is.  If he decides to make the Navy his career, and drags me all over the globe to do it, so be it.  If home changes every two years for the next sixteen, fine.  If our kids never make lifelong friends because they move so often... Well, I just hope they don't resent us for it.  In fact, I hope they appreciate the fact that they will have passports before they even eat solid food.  Katie Beth's is actually already applied for, when I didn't get my first passport until I was 22!

All of this to say, I miss my husband and I'm sad I wasn't in our home when he got there.  I'm grateful for the time I get to spend with my family here.  I'm even more grateful that Katie Beth will have good relationships with her grandparents and great grandparents because we will come home often.  But I really miss my husband.

1 comment:

  1. Isn't it amazing how different you feel about home after being so far away from your husband. I felt that when visiting stateside every time... I was anxious to get "home" which wasn't where my family was but where Matt was. I can't wait for you to get home... a bit over a month right? :) Miss you honey!