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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Rumors and Feelings

I am so hurt.  I was so excited to get back to Guam, and since I've been here, I've been told things that were said about me when I was gone.  Not only are these things absolutely ludicrous, but they are so insulting.  At first I laughed because the first rumor I heard was so stupid.  I couldn't believe someone could even come up with it, much less repeat it.  But the rumors I've heard more recently just hurt me.  They are also absolutely ridiculous, but to think that people who I thought were my friends would say these things breaks my heart.

I told myself that I was going to let it roll off my back, and not even give a response.  But the more I think about it, the more upset I get. So I AM responding.

First rumor: Katie Beth came early because I drank NyQuil throughout my pregnancy.

How it's false: I had Katie Beth 7 weeks early due to HELLP syndrome.  You can look it up.  It is similar to pre-eclampsia, only much worse.  My liver was shutting down and my blood pressure was sky high.  Even if I did drink NyQuil all the time, which I did not, it wouldn't have caused either of the two main symptoms of HELLP syndrome.

Rumor: Katie Beth came early because I was still working out hardcore, I was mowing my yard, and I wasn't eating enough because I didn't want to gain weight.

How it's false: Working out - Umm.. Yeah.. I still went jogging while I was in Hawaii, which wasn't even very far into my second trimester.  Once I got to Guam, it was simply too hot.  The only "hardcore" exercising I did was Jason and I would go for walks after dinner.  That isn't very hardcore.  I did mow my yard.  It isn't much work, ladies.  I would do it in the morning before the heat became unbearable.  I never, ever once pushed myself too hard.  In fact, my Dr. was extremely pleased with me for continuing to exercise because I got diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.  Exercise is the one thing they tell you to do, as well as controll your diet.  Speaking of diet...

Not eating - Are. You. Kidding. Me???  Clearly the person who started this rumor was never around me. I ate like a horse. I ate all day every day.  I am so incredibly sorry that I didn't gain the weight most people gain during their pregnancies.  Oh wait.. No, that's not true either. My Dr. advised for me to gain no more than 15 lbs the entire pregnancy, because I was overweight to begin with.  I was perfectly on track to do that when I left Guam.  Five days before Katie Beth was born, I had gained 10 lbs.  The day she was born, I had gained 19.  I gained 9 lbs in 5 days because of water retention.  Another symptom of HELLP syndrome.

Rumor: I forced myself into labor because I was told that Jason wouldn't get Paternity Leave since I was in Mississippi.  So, naturally, I forced myself to go into labor early so that he would get emergency leave.

How it's false: Again, ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  I was fully prepared to have Katie Beth without Jason's presence.  It hurt me so much, but I knew that going home to Mississippi was what I needed to do. (And, by the way, thank God I did!!)  I had every Power Of Attorney a girl could need to have a baby without her husband present.  But beyond that, and beyond the fact that I didn't go into labor AT ALL, much less on purpose, what kind of woman would sacrifice the health of her unborn baby just to get her way?  Is that truly what some of you think of me?

Most of you will never know how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep because I couldn't take care of my baby.  She was in an incubator 20 miles away when she should have been in my arms.  To think that any woman would do that on purpose is not only hurtful, it's shameful.  Yes, I was incredibly sad that Jason wasn't home.  But that was totally eclipsed by the fact that my baby was in the care of nurses, and all because my body wasn't well enough to keep her healthy in the womb.

I didn't advertise those feelings because I was trying to stay positive.  That Katie Beth was so wonderfully healthy was a miracle, and I chose to focus on that instead of all the "what ifs".

I don't care to know who started these rumors.  Clearly this woman or these women are not my friends.  If anyone who heard these rumors was my friend, she would have squashed it immediately.  But you know who you are, and shame on you.  I hope you understand how truly hurt I am that these things would be said, when they could not be further from the truth.

4 comments:

  1. Emily... those are terrible rumors. I'm sorry you had to come home to that. :( You have a beautiful healthy baby girl and I'm sure you are a wonderful mother. I admire the women who have to raise children by themselves while their husbands are out working. It's a hard job. Don't let this get you down.

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  2. So sorry you are having to deal with all of that Emily! Katie Beth came on God's timeline and that had nothing to do with what you did or didn't do during your pregnancy! I admire you so much for traveling while pregnant, having your sweet baby girl without Jason present, and going back to your home so far from home... you are a very strong woman and no one should tell you any different! I will be praying that God puts some encouraging people in your life in Guam that will lift you up and not try and tear you down.

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  3. Sweetheart you wrote it well, and I know it makes you feel better to have gotten it all said, but now just forget about it. Move on, and don't let it affect you anymore. Every person has their own weaknesses and gossip is such a nasty one! Let those people deal with their weakness and you just focus on your strengths -- like being a great momma and wife - and the best daughter I could ever have been blessed with. I love you Punk! Momma

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  4. I am so proud of you for writing this. I would never be able to express myself in such a firm but positive way if I were hurt like that. You are an AMAZING mother, wife, daughter, and friend. God led you to Jason, led you to Guam. He brought you here to have KB so that you could both be healthy. I hope that whoever started those rumors sees the errors of their ways and that your name never passes their lips in a negative way again.

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