So now that we all have been reassured of my sanity (and trust me, it was rocky there for a bit..), I'd like to share a little more of how I got there. This one, my friends, is going to be far more personal than listing off symptoms of PMS.
On March 3, 2013, the love of my life became a Christian. I won't go into all the details, because those are his to share, not mine. What I will say is that I've known for a long time that God wasn't really a part of our  marriage, and I had a feeling that HE was what was missing in it. For 3 weeks now, God has been a daily participant in our lives, and it's so much more fulfilling!
We started at a new church around the end of February, and they were planning an all-day family event for the next weekend. They called it Converge, and the point was to focus on families and where they stand in their walk with the Lord. There were classes for couples without kids, couples who wanted to learn how to disciple their kids, and most importantly to me, a class for couples who needed to learn to put themselves before their kids. Yep, we're talking marriage > children.
I don't know about y'all, but this was a big deal for me. Surely my children are more important than my husband? They lean on me for their absolute lives.. he doesn't. It is my entire job to protect and nurture them.. I'm just supposed to support him, right? Wrong.
I'm telling y'all, this was hard to hear. What wound up happening was that I got kicked straight in the teeth with scripture. Did you know that Paul writes about the husband and wife for 12 verses before he ever mentions children? That right there should tell a Christian that we should value the couple more than children. We should be showing our children how much we love our other half. That has got to be the greatest comfort to give a child.. showing him how much you love his Daddy. "Yes, Geeby, I love you.. but I love Daddy more." "Yes Katie, Daddy loves you, but he loves Mommy more." Have you ever even thought that might be ok to say?? It is. If a solid marriage is the foundation for a family, then it has to be cared for. If the children are the foundation, then it is sure to crumble at any number of times, such as when the children move out of the home.
So now, here we are, making more of an effort to show each other that the kids don't always come first.. we do. Of course we are doing this in a loving way, not telling them "Good luck! You're almost 3.. totally old enough to fend for yourself!" No, we're just caring for us more.. Bedtimes have been scooted a little earlier, date nights are more frequent, even if they are pretty lame. I know this has been harder for me than it has been for Jason, but he's very good at supporting me. And he knows it has to happen, too. I must say, a lot of the guilt I have felt as a mother has suddenly left me. God didn't give me children so that I would devote every moment to them. No, that's what he gave me a husband for. He gave me children to nurture and raise in the Lord, so that they might do the same one day. I love my babies more than anything (except their father), so don't get me wrong.. I'm just getting past the part in my life where I feel like they need to rule it.