I have an embarrassing confession to make. And I really mean embarrassing.. Not like, "I still use a nightlight", or "I loved Twilight!" I'm talking really embarrassing. I'm writing it here because I have to get it out, and I am really too embarrassed to talk to any of my friends in real life.. even my husband.  You've been warned.

I, Emily, am absolutely petrified that Doomsday is going to happen any day, and I can't remember a time when I didn't think like this.  I don't advertise it because I don't want people to think that I actually believe the things I see in movies or whatever.  I don't! I am just so afraid of what my world would be like if they did happen.  I absolutely refused to go see Armageddon with my sane, normal 14 year old friends when it came out. I was too afraid to watch it! I never saw the other one that came out that year, either.. the one with the ugly guy with the weird face... Oh, Elijah Wood.

I was probably the only 14 - 15 year old I knew of who was so terrified of Y2K. I remember sneaking used soda bottles, filling them with water, and storing them in the tornado shelter. I did that for months until somebody found them. Then my family made me feel silly, as they should have. Somebody pointed out to me that the water wouldn't still be good in bottles that weren't sealed.  Oh. 15 year old me didn't think that one through..  I vividly remember going with my grandmother to visit her sister on Dec. 31, 1999.  She had CNN or something similar on tv, and they showed where midnight came and went in Japan, and nothing bad happened. I calmed down a little then.  My three best friends came over that night so we could ring in the New Year together. At 12:00, the radio station we were listening to play "It's The End of The World As We Know It", went completely silent. I almost lost my mind before the DJ came over the air and said "Just kidding!"

When I first read about the Mayan calendar prophecy for 2012, I didn't exactly panic, because I was older and wiser.  I did, however, let it creep into a little place in my brain where it's been hiding out all this time. It sneaks up on me every now and then and I have little paranoid moments. For example: It is imperative in my mind that my family be away from Hawaii when Dec. 22, 2012 comes. We must not be here! Volcanoes may erupt! Tsunamis may crash over the entire island! We must be with our families in Mississippi or Tennessee, where there are no close volcanoes or beaches.

SEE?!  I'm crazy, and it's driving me even crazier!  I don't know what's made it worse lately.. if it's all of the crazy weather and natural disasters, or if it's the History Channel showing 2012 disaster scenario/scare-the-beejeebus-out-of-people shows on some morbid 24 hour loop.  What I do know is that I'm so sick of thinking about it. I want to live like a normal 26 year old woman, not like some Doomsday prophecy freak! I don't want to feel like I should be stock-piling canned goods in my laundry room.

As a Christian, I was raised to believe that God would care for his children.  I believe that, I really do.  But, just what if God's plan is for us to suffer through some of the Tribulations that Revelations promise?  I can't help thinking about it! Last week I mentioned all of this to my little brother, whose advice was to stop watching the news. I really think I should, but I don't think that will happen.

Now, for the last little bit. I'm sure there is someone who will read this and think "I do that, too!"  I can't decide if I want you to tell me that you do or not. Rather than thinking that I might be justified in this craziness, I'd prefer to think that it's all silliness. I would love for somebody to point out to me how ridiculous this is. Use scripture, use your own logic, whatever you've got.. but somebody, for the love of Pete, tell me to stop!