Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Rumors and Feelings
I am so hurt. I was so excited to get back to Guam, and since I've been here, I've been told things that were said about me when I was gone. Not only are these things absolutely ludicrous, but they are so insulting. At first I laughed because the first rumor I heard was so stupid. I couldn't believe someone could even come up with it, much less repeat it. But the rumors I've heard more recently just hurt me. They are also absolutely ridiculous, but to think that people who I thought were my friends would say these things breaks my heart.
I told myself that I was going to let it roll off my back, and not even give a response. But the more I think about it, the more upset I get. So I AM responding.
First rumor: Katie Beth came early because I drank NyQuil throughout my pregnancy.
How it's false: I had Katie Beth 7 weeks early due to HELLP syndrome. You can look it up. It is similar to pre-eclampsia, only much worse. My liver was shutting down and my blood pressure was sky high. Even if I did drink NyQuil all the time, which I did not, it wouldn't have caused either of the two main symptoms of HELLP syndrome.
Rumor: Katie Beth came early because I was still working out hardcore, I was mowing my yard, and I wasn't eating enough because I didn't want to gain weight.
How it's false: Working out - Umm.. Yeah.. I still went jogging while I was in Hawaii, which wasn't even very far into my second trimester. Once I got to Guam, it was simply too hot. The only "hardcore" exercising I did was Jason and I would go for walks after dinner. That isn't very hardcore. I did mow my yard. It isn't much work, ladies. I would do it in the morning before the heat became unbearable. I never, ever once pushed myself too hard. In fact, my Dr. was extremely pleased with me for continuing to exercise because I got diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. Exercise is the one thing they tell you to do, as well as controll your diet. Speaking of diet...
Not eating - Are. You. Kidding. Me??? Clearly the person who started this rumor was never around me. I ate like a horse. I ate all day every day. I am so incredibly sorry that I didn't gain the weight most people gain during their pregnancies. Oh wait.. No, that's not true either. My Dr. advised for me to gain no more than 15 lbs the entire pregnancy, because I was overweight to begin with. I was perfectly on track to do that when I left Guam. Five days before Katie Beth was born, I had gained 10 lbs. The day she was born, I had gained 19. I gained 9 lbs in 5 days because of water retention. Another symptom of HELLP syndrome.
Rumor: I forced myself into labor because I was told that Jason wouldn't get Paternity Leave since I was in Mississippi. So, naturally, I forced myself to go into labor early so that he would get emergency leave.
How it's false: Again, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I was fully prepared to have Katie Beth without Jason's presence. It hurt me so much, but I knew that going home to Mississippi was what I needed to do. (And, by the way, thank God I did!!) I had every Power Of Attorney a girl could need to have a baby without her husband present. But beyond that, and beyond the fact that I didn't go into labor AT ALL, much less on purpose, what kind of woman would sacrifice the health of her unborn baby just to get her way? Is that truly what some of you think of me?
Most of you will never know how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep because I couldn't take care of my baby. She was in an incubator 20 miles away when she should have been in my arms. To think that any woman would do that on purpose is not only hurtful, it's shameful. Yes, I was incredibly sad that Jason wasn't home. But that was totally eclipsed by the fact that my baby was in the care of nurses, and all because my body wasn't well enough to keep her healthy in the womb.
I didn't advertise those feelings because I was trying to stay positive. That Katie Beth was so wonderfully healthy was a miracle, and I chose to focus on that instead of all the "what ifs".
I don't care to know who started these rumors. Clearly this woman or these women are not my friends. If anyone who heard these rumors was my friend, she would have squashed it immediately. But you know who you are, and shame on you. I hope you understand how truly hurt I am that these things would be said, when they could not be further from the truth.
I told myself that I was going to let it roll off my back, and not even give a response. But the more I think about it, the more upset I get. So I AM responding.
First rumor: Katie Beth came early because I drank NyQuil throughout my pregnancy.
How it's false: I had Katie Beth 7 weeks early due to HELLP syndrome. You can look it up. It is similar to pre-eclampsia, only much worse. My liver was shutting down and my blood pressure was sky high. Even if I did drink NyQuil all the time, which I did not, it wouldn't have caused either of the two main symptoms of HELLP syndrome.
Rumor: Katie Beth came early because I was still working out hardcore, I was mowing my yard, and I wasn't eating enough because I didn't want to gain weight.
How it's false: Working out - Umm.. Yeah.. I still went jogging while I was in Hawaii, which wasn't even very far into my second trimester. Once I got to Guam, it was simply too hot. The only "hardcore" exercising I did was Jason and I would go for walks after dinner. That isn't very hardcore. I did mow my yard. It isn't much work, ladies. I would do it in the morning before the heat became unbearable. I never, ever once pushed myself too hard. In fact, my Dr. was extremely pleased with me for continuing to exercise because I got diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. Exercise is the one thing they tell you to do, as well as controll your diet. Speaking of diet...
Not eating - Are. You. Kidding. Me??? Clearly the person who started this rumor was never around me. I ate like a horse. I ate all day every day. I am so incredibly sorry that I didn't gain the weight most people gain during their pregnancies. Oh wait.. No, that's not true either. My Dr. advised for me to gain no more than 15 lbs the entire pregnancy, because I was overweight to begin with. I was perfectly on track to do that when I left Guam. Five days before Katie Beth was born, I had gained 10 lbs. The day she was born, I had gained 19. I gained 9 lbs in 5 days because of water retention. Another symptom of HELLP syndrome.
Rumor: I forced myself into labor because I was told that Jason wouldn't get Paternity Leave since I was in Mississippi. So, naturally, I forced myself to go into labor early so that he would get emergency leave.
How it's false: Again, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I was fully prepared to have Katie Beth without Jason's presence. It hurt me so much, but I knew that going home to Mississippi was what I needed to do. (And, by the way, thank God I did!!) I had every Power Of Attorney a girl could need to have a baby without her husband present. But beyond that, and beyond the fact that I didn't go into labor AT ALL, much less on purpose, what kind of woman would sacrifice the health of her unborn baby just to get her way? Is that truly what some of you think of me?
Most of you will never know how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep because I couldn't take care of my baby. She was in an incubator 20 miles away when she should have been in my arms. To think that any woman would do that on purpose is not only hurtful, it's shameful. Yes, I was incredibly sad that Jason wasn't home. But that was totally eclipsed by the fact that my baby was in the care of nurses, and all because my body wasn't well enough to keep her healthy in the womb.
I didn't advertise those feelings because I was trying to stay positive. That Katie Beth was so wonderfully healthy was a miracle, and I chose to focus on that instead of all the "what ifs".
I don't care to know who started these rumors. Clearly this woman or these women are not my friends. If anyone who heard these rumors was my friend, she would have squashed it immediately. But you know who you are, and shame on you. I hope you understand how truly hurt I am that these things would be said, when they could not be further from the truth.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Reflux Sucks
I guess bits of Katie Beth didn’t get the memo that she wasn’t supposed to be a preemie. We have been struggling with acid reflux since the day she came home. Reflux is common in babies nowadays, but it’s worse in preemies. Their little gastro-intestinal systems just aren’t ready for the real world, I guess. I wonder why it’s more common now than before. Or maybe it isn’t really more common; maybe we just know what to call it. Maybe thousands of babies who were called colicky just had reflux. That would make sense considering that reflux rears its very ugly head at about 2 months, peaks at 4 months, and is over around 6 months. So to all of you who were called colicky, you may have gotten a bad rap!
For over a month I tried Zantac and it never worked. A lot of times I think it made her spitting up worse. To test that theory, I stopped giving the Zantac on a Sunday, and she didn’t spit up again until Wednesday. Even though she wouldn’t spit up, there was also the problem that she wouldn’t eat enough. Poor Katie Beth went from eating 3 – 4 oz every 3 hours to only eating 2 oz. And let me tell you, those 2 oz were a struggle.
Every meal was a fight. She’d push against me, arch her back, scream, cry, and turn away from the bottle. And that was just meal time! She had to sit up-right for at least 30 minutes after every meal or she’d spit the entire thing back up. But that really didn’t matter because you couldn’t lay her on her back anyway or she’d get the hiccups within 1 minute. So she did a lot of sleeping in her bouncy seat, and when I was so exhausted I couldn’t take it anymore, on her tummy. Yes, it’s true that babies aren’t supposed to sleep on their tummies. Babies with severe reflux, however, are sometimes only able to get any sort of relief on their tummies.
The night after I had finally convinced her pediatrician to give her Prevacid, she slept for 5 hours. The next week she slept for 6, from 12:30 to 6:30. The night after she did that for the first time, my sweet baby finally slept all the way through the night! People kept telling me how one morning I would wake up in a panic because I hadn’t heard her. I thought it was a myth that veteran parents tell us newbies to give us hope. Nope! It really happened! I jumped out of bed and scrambled for her crib to find her sleeping soundly. I placed my hand on her back to make sure she was breathing and she arched and squirmed. She was annoyed at me for waking her up!
She’s been on the Prevacid now for 3 weeks, and she’s doing a lot better. She’s back up to 3.5 – 4 oz for every feeding, which is age/weight appropriate. Ah, weight.. I have been obsessing over my daughter’s weight like a mad woman. In the 4 week span where she wasn’t eating enough, she only gained 1 lb and 2 oz. That is not enough for a baby as young as she is. At her age, she should be gaining 1 lb every two weeks or so. Her rate was roughly 4 oz a week. Since then, however, we’re up to 5 oz a week. At her last appointment she weighed in at 8.15! So we’re getting there.. one Prevacid solutab and bottle at a time.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Travel Blessings
Sometimes one just has to sit back and realize how truly blessed he or she has been. I feel that way about my life in general, but this trip has been one blessing after another. It’s as if God Himself wants us to get back to Guam, I swear. Here’s how our trip went:
The coolest question one can be asked at an airport ticket counter is “Are you military?” I’m a dependent, yes. “Are you traveling on orders?” Here I pause… No, technically I am not travelling on orders. I do, however, keep a copy of Jason’s orders with me, as well as a copy of everything else I need to exist as a military spouse. Well, my flight was going to Hawaii and the orders say Guam….. Sooo… “Yes, I have this letter stating that we are to be moved to Hawaii.” It’s totally not the same thing as orders. It’s the letter I have to use to sign up for housing in Hawaii, that states that the boat is moving there. Did she know that? No. Did I get 2 free bags? Yes. You also get to check 1 baby item for free, so that took care of the Pack N Play. Here is Blessing #1.
We got to the airport, and after saying goodbye to everyone, it was time to go through security. I let the first TSA agent know that I had a few bottles of formula, and she told me that I would have to go through the pat-down process because of all the liquids. Whatever.. I didn’t really care. She warned me, and I had a feeling it was going to be like that. Well, I didn’t mind doing it, but good grief! It took forever! Because I had roughly 40 oz of liquid in my carry-on, I had to be patted down, and every single item I was carrying on had to be looked through. They went through each compartment of each bag, and all over both the carrier and the stroller with this little wand that was supposed to detect whatever it was they were looking for, I guess. If every person of suspicion were to go through that process, we’d be safe for eternity.
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| On the SkyLink at DFW |
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| On Flight #2 - You can see how she hates flying. |
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| See how stressed she must be? |
Ok, I got to the gate and the lady let me know that no one had purchased the seat beside me, so I would be able to take Katie Beth in her carrier instead of gate-checking the carrier and having her sit with me. (Blessing #2). Flight #1 went off without a hitch. She didn’t even fuss because of the change in air pressure.
We got to DFW where we had a 1 hour layover. It wound up being just enough time for me to get to our gate, change her and get her carrier and stroller gate-checked. This was going to be a full flight, so she would have to sit on my lap. I had the aisle seat, and I had sat down next to a lady who was in the window seat. There wasn’t anyone between us. You can bet that I prayed as every single person walked past us. “Please don’t sit here, please leave this seat empty.” Blessing #3. Though it did kind of suck that I hadn’t brought her carrier, it was nice to be able to have some space with all of our junk. Flight #2 went well, but she did get just a little fussy with having to stay on my lap. The flight attendants were so super sweet about holding her when I had to go to the restroom. I thought I’d be able to manage not going, but a 4 hour flight is a long time!
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| Wardrobe change in Seattle |
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| On the Tram thingy at Seattle Tacoma |
We got to Seattle where we had a 2 hour layover. That turned out to be enough time for me to change her, change her clothes, feed her a little, and even grab a bite for myself. Yay! We got to our gate for the flight to Honolulu. They were announcing that the aircraft had changed, and we were now on a larger plane, but with fewer seats. Why do they even make those? Now the flight was overbooked by 8 people. So there was no way I could hope for an empty seat next to me, nor could I purchase a seat for her. “You should treat yourself and upgrade to First Class!” the ticket agent says. “Oh, sure..” I thought. But how much are upgrades? “Our first class has a lot of empty seats on this flight, so I can offer it to you for $200.” Are you kidding me?? $200 to have a huge seat, lots of space, and be able to lie back during this awful 6 hour flight?? – Orrr.. Is this Blessing #4?? Yes, please! I have to say, that I never want to travel any way ever again. First Class is everything I hoped it would be. We sat down and I was offered a Mai Tai. There was a pillow and blanket waiting in my huge seat. They served dinner and drinks and waited on us just like we were favored house guests. I’m telling you.. I’ll never go back to Coach.
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| In First Class! |
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| Mai Tai's and loungy seats. This is the life! |
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| Aloha! |
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| Exhausted! |
I got settled in to the room, and as I was unpacking KB’s Pack N Play, I decided to call the flight recording at Hickam. Keep in mind that I was calling the recording religiously for the past week in Mississippi, and there had only been 2 flights to Guam in that week. I was so nervous before I left home! Anyway, I called the recording, and they have announced a flight with a roll-call time of 1125 the next day. That is perfect, except I’m now regretting having put the Pack N Play up at all. That thing is a monster to get zipped back up in it’s case! We both slept well. I showered and we got ready to head for the terminal.
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| Hanging out the next morning |
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| Chilling in the AMC terminal at Hickam |
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| On the bus that would take us to the plane |
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| Katie Beth's first Space A flight |
So here I sit on the plane, with just a few more hours before I’m back in my own bed, in my own house. Katie Beth is asleep on a couple of blankets on the floor in front of me. That’s the best perk about Space-A travel, by the way; getting to stretch out! She’s been out for over an hour, which would never ever happen in her carrier. I’m glad too; she needs the nap. Jess is picking us up at Andersen this afternoon, where I’ll have to run to the Exchange and buy a crib mattress for my little Pumpkin. She’ll get to sleep in her own bed for the very first time tonight! I know she’s as excited as I am!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
How I feel about it
Far From The Home I Love - Fiddler On The Roof
How can I hope to make you unterstand
Why I do, what I do,
Why I must travel to a distant land
Far from the home I love?
Once I was happily content to be
As I was, where I was
Close to the people who are close to me
Here in the home I love...
Who could see that a man would come
Who would change the shapes of my dreams?
Helpless, now, I stand with him
Wtaching older dreams grow dim.
Oh, what a melancholy choice this is,
Wanting home, wanting him,
Closing my heart to every hope but his,
Leaving the home I love.
There where my heart has settled long ago
I must go, I must go.
Who could imagine I'd be wand'ring so
Far from the home I love?
Yet, there with my love, I'm home.
How can I hope to make you unterstand
Why I do, what I do,
Why I must travel to a distant land
Far from the home I love?
Once I was happily content to be
As I was, where I was
Close to the people who are close to me
Here in the home I love...
Who could see that a man would come
Who would change the shapes of my dreams?
Helpless, now, I stand with him
Wtaching older dreams grow dim.
Oh, what a melancholy choice this is,
Wanting home, wanting him,
Closing my heart to every hope but his,
Leaving the home I love.
There where my heart has settled long ago
I must go, I must go.
Who could imagine I'd be wand'ring so
Far from the home I love?
Yet, there with my love, I'm home.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Forever Friends
Since it's the time for thanks and all, I've been thinking about what I'm really thankful for. Since I'm home right now, being thankful for my closest friends comes to mind a lot. I do have ladies on Guam that I like, and some that I could call for dinner plans, and I've made one really good friend out there that I know I could call in the middle of the night if I needed her. But nothing beats the feeling of a friend that you've had forever, who knows the worst parts about you and still loves you. I've got a few of those here, and this blog is for them.
Thank you for knowing things about me that you'd never tell anyone else, much less hold against me. In fact, thanks for knowing the worst parts of my personality and still loving me. I can be obnoxious, judgy (not judgmental, judgy), neurotic, and snotty. I know those things about myself, and I fully accept them. There are probably more bad things I could add to the list, but I'm choosing to not do that right now :) I so appreciate that my best friends accept me just like I am, neuroses and all.
Thank you for being there when I was sick and KB came so early. And I don't mean just the ones that were there in body. I mean thank you for being pushy and making somebody keep you up to date on what was going on. I mean thank you for not listening to me when I told you there was no reason for you to come to the hospital - that I was just fine. Little did I know how NOT just fine I was, and the fact that you basically ignored me means a lot. It means that I have friends who really love me, and that means more than any of you know. I never thanked you for that, so I'm saying it now. Thank you!
Thank you for keeping on top of me when I get busy with life in Guam. I'm not the best at making phone calls, especially with the time difference. But you girls are so good about poking at me and saying "Hey, I haven't talked to you in a few weeks. Your ass better call me!" Even when I don't call, I'm keeping up with each of you, and thinking about you. I just get so busy that things get out of hand. So thank you for pushing me!
Thank you for being Katie Beth's aunties. You've all been so sweet to us, and so loving to her, that I can't even thank you enough. You probably don't realize what a huge help it is to me when you do something as simple as offer to take her while I finish eating. Just holding that baby makes you a great Auntie! But all of you loving on her like you is so precious to me. I'm so happy that she'll grow up surrounded with so much love.
Also, thanks for the little bits of moral support, advice, etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm totally lost on this Mommy thing, so it's nice to have friends who have already done what I'm doing. I'm also super glad that KB will have a few "friends" around the country. She may not realize it, but having friends in different parts of the world makes her a pretty cool kid.
Thank you for knowing things about me that you'd never tell anyone else, much less hold against me. In fact, thanks for knowing the worst parts of my personality and still loving me. I can be obnoxious, judgy (not judgmental, judgy), neurotic, and snotty. I know those things about myself, and I fully accept them. There are probably more bad things I could add to the list, but I'm choosing to not do that right now :) I so appreciate that my best friends accept me just like I am, neuroses and all.
Thank you for being there when I was sick and KB came so early. And I don't mean just the ones that were there in body. I mean thank you for being pushy and making somebody keep you up to date on what was going on. I mean thank you for not listening to me when I told you there was no reason for you to come to the hospital - that I was just fine. Little did I know how NOT just fine I was, and the fact that you basically ignored me means a lot. It means that I have friends who really love me, and that means more than any of you know. I never thanked you for that, so I'm saying it now. Thank you!
Thank you for keeping on top of me when I get busy with life in Guam. I'm not the best at making phone calls, especially with the time difference. But you girls are so good about poking at me and saying "Hey, I haven't talked to you in a few weeks. Your ass better call me!" Even when I don't call, I'm keeping up with each of you, and thinking about you. I just get so busy that things get out of hand. So thank you for pushing me!
Thank you for being Katie Beth's aunties. You've all been so sweet to us, and so loving to her, that I can't even thank you enough. You probably don't realize what a huge help it is to me when you do something as simple as offer to take her while I finish eating. Just holding that baby makes you a great Auntie! But all of you loving on her like you is so precious to me. I'm so happy that she'll grow up surrounded with so much love.
Also, thanks for the little bits of moral support, advice, etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm totally lost on this Mommy thing, so it's nice to have friends who have already done what I'm doing. I'm also super glad that KB will have a few "friends" around the country. She may not realize it, but having friends in different parts of the world makes her a pretty cool kid.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
You gotta leave your behind in the past.
Isn't that how Pumba put it before Timon corrected him? It's been a while since I saw The Lion King, but I'm pretty sure it went something like that, and boy is it true.
So much has changed in my life in the past two years, I can't even begin to list it all. The major thing, obviously, is Jason. I mean, my life did a 180 in just three short months (And thank God it did!). Not only did God send this amazing man back to me, but in doing so, it got me out of here for good. Never ever did I see myself married to a Sailor and living in Guam. It was more like, married to a high school history teacher and living in Brandon. It's funny how God has such a grander plan, and you never ever know how it's going to work out. I'm rambling..
Anyway, being home brings a lot of things to the surface for me. There's a memory on every corner around here, and not all of them are associated with good feelings. There are things that I did and can't take back, and there are things that were done to me that still hurt. I wish I was one of those people who could honestly just move on and get over the past. But I'm not.. nowhere close. Case in point: I've searched for my elementary school best friend on Facebook for years now, when we haven't actually seen each other since we were 12. * In case someone knows her, her name was Kim Thompson and she left Pearl to go to St. Andrew's after 5th grade. Somebody find her for me :) *
My point is, when I'm not home these things don't bother me nearly as much. Since I can't drive past my former best friend's street, I don't think about her. I don't wonder how her life is going, or what she's doing. She's a former friend for a reason, and it probably needs to stay that way. Some people just aren't good for other people, and that is definitely the case here. But I still wonder. I don't have to do that in Guam, and I prefer it like that, I think. I can't be the only person who feels this way.
And now I just want to say that I hope KB listens to me when I tell her someone is bad for her. It will happen. If she's anything like me, she'll spend her life thinking she can fix the unfixable, and they'll eventually bring her down to their level. So for future reference: Katie Beth, your mother is a font of wisdom and you should listen to everything she says, even though she will NEVER tell you the stories that caused her to gain such wisdom.
So much has changed in my life in the past two years, I can't even begin to list it all. The major thing, obviously, is Jason. I mean, my life did a 180 in just three short months (And thank God it did!). Not only did God send this amazing man back to me, but in doing so, it got me out of here for good. Never ever did I see myself married to a Sailor and living in Guam. It was more like, married to a high school history teacher and living in Brandon. It's funny how God has such a grander plan, and you never ever know how it's going to work out. I'm rambling..
Anyway, being home brings a lot of things to the surface for me. There's a memory on every corner around here, and not all of them are associated with good feelings. There are things that I did and can't take back, and there are things that were done to me that still hurt. I wish I was one of those people who could honestly just move on and get over the past. But I'm not.. nowhere close. Case in point: I've searched for my elementary school best friend on Facebook for years now, when we haven't actually seen each other since we were 12. * In case someone knows her, her name was Kim Thompson and she left Pearl to go to St. Andrew's after 5th grade. Somebody find her for me :) *
My point is, when I'm not home these things don't bother me nearly as much. Since I can't drive past my former best friend's street, I don't think about her. I don't wonder how her life is going, or what she's doing. She's a former friend for a reason, and it probably needs to stay that way. Some people just aren't good for other people, and that is definitely the case here. But I still wonder. I don't have to do that in Guam, and I prefer it like that, I think. I can't be the only person who feels this way.
And now I just want to say that I hope KB listens to me when I tell her someone is bad for her. It will happen. If she's anything like me, she'll spend her life thinking she can fix the unfixable, and they'll eventually bring her down to their level. So for future reference: Katie Beth, your mother is a font of wisdom and you should listen to everything she says, even though she will NEVER tell you the stories that caused her to gain such wisdom.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Home is where the heart is
So Jason is gone again, and I sit here annoyed with myself that I wasn't home with him for the past week. I'm not going to complain that I am home with my family and friends.. that would be extremely obnoxious. But it really bothers me that I will never be able to have both my husband and my family (to include my best friends).
During a phone conversation the other night, Jason told me that he had calculated all of the days we have between now and sometime in April when he will return from his last mission with this command. Of the days left, he calculated the ones we will have together, those where we will be apart but able to talk, and those where he will be underway. I don't know what all of the numbers added up to, but he said that we will spend 68% of our time apart between now and April. 68 percent. Marriages aren't meant to be spent apart, much less 68 percent of the time.
I am so proud of what Jason does, and I'm even more proud of how he feels about what he does. Being in the Navy, and being a Submarine Officer isn't just a paycheck to Jason. He genuinely loves his job. He doesn't always like the climate in which he works, and he usually hates the amount of time he spends at work, but he loves the work.
To be fair, I love the Navy life. I love everything about it except the time we spend apart, and the fact that there will almost never be a time where we live close to either of our hometowns. I know that isn't a big deal to most people. If my family wasn't in my hometown, it wouldn't be to me, either. I definitely don't have any emotional ties to my high school or anything. I am, however, extremely attached to my family and to the friends I have here. In fact, I don't think I'm attached like most people are.. I think my family goes above and beyond with the closeness thing. Even while in Guam, I talk to Mom almost every day, Mammaw a few times a week, and Dad at least once a week. I miss them so much while I'm a gajillion miles away.
But the flip side of that is Jason. I learned last Fall that my real home will always be where he is. If he decides to make the Navy his career, and drags me all over the globe to do it, so be it. If home changes every two years for the next sixteen, fine. If our kids never make lifelong friends because they move so often... Well, I just hope they don't resent us for it. In fact, I hope they appreciate the fact that they will have passports before they even eat solid food. Katie Beth's is actually already applied for, when I didn't get my first passport until I was 22!
All of this to say, I miss my husband and I'm sad I wasn't in our home when he got there. I'm grateful for the time I get to spend with my family here. I'm even more grateful that Katie Beth will have good relationships with her grandparents and great grandparents because we will come home often. But I really miss my husband.
During a phone conversation the other night, Jason told me that he had calculated all of the days we have between now and sometime in April when he will return from his last mission with this command. Of the days left, he calculated the ones we will have together, those where we will be apart but able to talk, and those where he will be underway. I don't know what all of the numbers added up to, but he said that we will spend 68% of our time apart between now and April. 68 percent. Marriages aren't meant to be spent apart, much less 68 percent of the time.
I am so proud of what Jason does, and I'm even more proud of how he feels about what he does. Being in the Navy, and being a Submarine Officer isn't just a paycheck to Jason. He genuinely loves his job. He doesn't always like the climate in which he works, and he usually hates the amount of time he spends at work, but he loves the work.
To be fair, I love the Navy life. I love everything about it except the time we spend apart, and the fact that there will almost never be a time where we live close to either of our hometowns. I know that isn't a big deal to most people. If my family wasn't in my hometown, it wouldn't be to me, either. I definitely don't have any emotional ties to my high school or anything. I am, however, extremely attached to my family and to the friends I have here. In fact, I don't think I'm attached like most people are.. I think my family goes above and beyond with the closeness thing. Even while in Guam, I talk to Mom almost every day, Mammaw a few times a week, and Dad at least once a week. I miss them so much while I'm a gajillion miles away.
But the flip side of that is Jason. I learned last Fall that my real home will always be where he is. If he decides to make the Navy his career, and drags me all over the globe to do it, so be it. If home changes every two years for the next sixteen, fine. If our kids never make lifelong friends because they move so often... Well, I just hope they don't resent us for it. In fact, I hope they appreciate the fact that they will have passports before they even eat solid food. Katie Beth's is actually already applied for, when I didn't get my first passport until I was 22!
All of this to say, I miss my husband and I'm sad I wasn't in our home when he got there. I'm grateful for the time I get to spend with my family here. I'm even more grateful that Katie Beth will have good relationships with her grandparents and great grandparents because we will come home often. But I really miss my husband.
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