Where I've visited (and not just driven or flown through).  Just thought I'd share :)

1.  Have you and your spouse agreed to live in separate locations (a geographical bachelor tour) knowing that the short-term inconvenience would have long-term benefits for your family? How did it work for you? submitted by When Good People Get Together


We did this for a whole 3 months in between when Jason left for Guam (April 2009) and when I followed (July 2009).  I hated every single minute of it.  I don't see us doing a geo-bache thing unless there is just absolutely no way around it.


2.  What is your favorite thing about being a MilSpouse? submitted by Sarah Ruth Today


Oddly enough, my favorite thing is also my least favorite thing.  The community!  I love that there are Mil Spouses all over the world who know exactly what I'm going through and how I'm feeling.  At the same time, I hate that there are people who I must deal with that I wouldn't if my husband had any other job.  If Jason was a random electrical engineer for some random company, I wouldn't necessarily even know his coworkers' wives, much less have to be nice to women who are so blatantly rude to me.  Ah well, such is life.



3.  If you could still have your spouse/significant other and your family, but take the military life out of it...would you?  submitted by Trust. Love. Believe. Bake.


What a hard question!  I love our life, but I think yes, I would.  We are ourselves, completely separate from the Navy.  Also, the military isn't going anywhere for me.  I was born and raised in it, and I would have been just as big a supporter had I not married a sailor.  I would know far less about the Navy, though.. And by far less I mean absolutely nothing.

4.  What have your homecoming experiences been like after a year long tour of separation? submitted by Army Soldier, Army Wife


Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much that I have not yet had to know this feeling.  Please keep it that way!  - Emily

5.  If you have a child(ren) why did you choose their name(s)? If not, why would you name your child something?  submitted by Tiara's & ACU's


I chose Katie Beth's name when I was probably 7.  I asked my Pappaw what I should name my babydoll, and he told me that if he had ever had a little girl, he wanted her name to be Katherine Elizabeth and he would call her Katie Beth.  It stuck with me hardcore.  It's even what I "named" my diary when I was 12.  Mom told me later that it's what my little brother's name would have been if he had been a girl, but I didn't know that until after we had chosen it for KB.

I got a comment on my post A Letter To My 13 Year Old Self from an old friend who suggested that maybe I shouldn't really change the fact that I broke up with Jason in 2006.  I've thought about it a lot, and I think she's right.   He and I have actually talked about that a number of times, and I've always said that it was better we broke up, but when I get sentimental about him, I wish we hadn't.

September 06

I wish we had never broken up because our lives together could have started so much earlier.  So here's how I think it would have gone down:  We would have stayed together through both of our college graduations.  Since he would have been going to Charleston for Power School and Prototype, I would have gone to graduate school there.  In fact, he was pushing me to apply there when I broke up with him.  Considering I was accepted to all 6 schools where I applied, I think it's safe to assume I would have gone on to Charleston.  Then Jason would have gone to OCS and followed me to Charleston in Jan. of 2008.

Jason and his friend Brett after graduating from OCS

I think we would have gotten married in the Spring of 2008, in between Power School and Prototype. Then I would have to stay in Charleston to finish grad school while he went on to Sub School in Groton, CT.  I used to think maybe we would have gotten to start our family earlier, but now that I look at it all written out I can see that it wouldn't have happened.  I wouldn't have finished grad school until after he had gone on to Guam, so it basically would have been just the same.  Except I would now have my Master's and probably be a little further in student loan debt.

Me with two of my best friends on the day I graduated from Ole Miss

In the real world, we broke up and went about our lives.  Truthfully, I think that was the best thing for us.  We both got to kiss a few more toads and are much better off for it.  Yes, I said it.. I am thankful that my husband dated a few girls after me and before me again.  I'm also thankful for my toads, as crazy and ridiculous as some of them were.  I could never appreciate the wonderful man I have if I had not dated some who were less than wonderful.  (Read as: bat shit crazy)

Our first weekend back together, January of 09

So no, I don't guess I would change anything.  Our lives worked out exactly like they were supposed to.  And really, what would I be doing with that Master's degree now?  I'd still be a stay at home mommy, but with one more degree taking up precious frame space on our walls.

What hangs in the place of my Master's degree :)

I'm sitting here playing around on Facebook with Dancing With The Stars on in the background.  I hear "And here to perform one of your favorite guilty pleasure songs for Guilty Pleasures night, Hanson!"  Whaaaaaaat?  I stop in my tracks and look up to watch my very first celebrity obsession(s) singing the song that must have driven my parents absolutely crazy in 1997. I got to thinking about my 13 year old self, and how different my life is from what she ever expected.  So, here is what I would say to her if I had the chance:

Dear Emily in 1997,

You don't know it yet, but your life is about to turn upside down.  You will handle it well and even though it sounds cliche, you will be a better person for it.

You have some pretty great friends in your life right now, and that is awesome.  They are going to help you through the tough times all the way through college, and some of them are actually still your best friends 14 years later.  What you need to do a little differently is to pay attention to the friends who don't take anything from you emotionally and yet add to your life in laughs and fun times.  Trust me, you'll thank me later when you have a lot less emotional baggage from the people who don't contribute anything good.  You'll also probably get yourself in fewer troubling situations.

Dude, don't be such a drama queen.  Seriously, calm down with the dramatics.  It ain't that serious.. nothing ever is!  But in typical teenager fashion, everything is the end of the world to you.  I guess you wouldn't be you without the drama, but it gets old for everybody else.

Want to read something interesting?  Scott is one of your favorite people these days.  Yeah, he's a jerk now but you do both grow into decent human beings.  I know, I know.. You have a really hard time believing you enjoy your little brother's presence, much less actually talking to him on the phone.  But it's true!

Now, I'm going to break the rules and tell you to do a few things differently.

#1 - STUDY.  Yeah, also cliche, I know..  But it's the real deal.  You need a scholarship so you aren't paying a ridiculous amount in student loans every month until you're 30.

#2 - Don't talk to strangers in those really neat chat rooms you're about to discover.  Nothing good ever comes from it.

#3 - Speaking of those chat rooms, you'll feel a lot better if you go to bed when you're supposed to instead of sneaking to get on AOL after everybody else goes to bed.

#4 - Don't get so jealous over your little cousin that was just born.  I know you can't even imagine being jealous over her now since she's only 2 months old, but it's going to happen, and it's not a good thing.  Nobody loves you any less now that there's another granddaughter in the family.  She isn't going to usurp your throne.

#5 - Boys aren't going to start noticing you until you're 16.  You've got 3 years to not worry about it so stop obsessing.

#6 - Don't give up on soccer.  And in fact, learn to run.. You will be a lot happier for it when you're 25.

#7 - Don't go see Titanic so many times in the theater.  It will give you nightmares.

#8 - Go visit your grandmother more.  You're really going to miss her when she's gone.

#9 - Learn to keep your mouth shut when it matters.  Oh, and be kinder to everyone, not just your friends.

#10 - Back to jealousy. Just stop getting jealous when boys pay more attention to your friends than they do to you.  It's life, and it doesn't do you any good.  And the truth is.. here comes the big one:

Your life at 26 is amazing.  You have the best husband you could ever wish for, and together you have a beautiful little girl who makes every aspect of your life brighter.  Right now you get to live in Hawaii and you have a lifetime of travel and adventure ahead of you.

And please write this on a little sticky note and keep it with you for the next 9 years because it's so very important:  Whatever you do, DO NOT break up with the guy you start dating in September 2006.  It's probably the biggest mistake you make in your early 20's.

Wedding season is quickly coming upon us, as my friends on Facebook are constantly reminding me.  Of my 700-something Facebook friends, no fewer than 25 of them are going to get married in the very near future.  Or at least I assume it's the very near future as I see a lot of wedding planning going on via my news feed.  Just to say, how difficult must it have been to get your MOH's opinion on a certain flower before the creation of Facebook?  Just a thought.. Anyway, I digress.

I have been a bridesmaid 5 times and a bride once, and I hope to do neither ever again.  Well.....  I take that back.  There are 3 very specific situations in which I will be a bridesmaid again.  #1, if when this particularly wonderful couple decides to get married she wants bridesmaids, I will be ready to go.  #2, if when this amazing friend of mine gets married she wants me to be a bridesmaid, I wouldn't miss it for the world.  And #3, if whomever my little brother marries feels like she needs his sister to be a bridesmaid, I will oblige.  That's it, though, and those friends know exactly who they are.

On to the point..  I have some advice for the girls who are getting married and also for the girls who will be the bridesmaids.  I have been a bridesmaid so many times that I feel qualified enough to give this advice:  Let her go crazy.  Let her force you to all have matching toenails even though nobody would ever notice if one of you had green toenails.  Let her insist that you wear your hair down and straight when it's normally in a high curly pony tail.  It doesn't matter that you haven't seen your hair this way since 7th grade, she's the bride and it is, in fact, her day.  Your entire job is to make her life easier for the duration of her engagement, up until she climbs into that vintage car/limousine/horse-drawn carriage with her brand new husband.

And now, for the brides: Just calm down, let it all happen, and don't go crazy on your bridesmaids.  Everybody's favorite bride is the calm bride.  Yes, it is absolutely your right to flip out about every single little thing, but please don't take it out on your friends.  I actually think that's what your mother is for.  She's prepared to handle your extreme fussiness, your friends are not.  She can tell you that you're being atrocious, your friends cannot.

But seriously, brides, don't go crazy and don't worry about every tiny detail just because it IS your day.  In one wedding I actually saw a bride and her bridesmaid/cousin stop speaking entirely just because the bridesmaid didn't want to wear the same shoes everyone else was wearing.  Remember that you were friends first, and that after the wedding she will return to being your friend.

People ask me all the time about mine and Jason's wedding.  I suppose that's because when you're in a military community, the question "So how did you two meet?" comes up a lot, right after "Where are you from originally?"  (FYI - you have to add the "originally" because people will tell you about their last school or duty station.)  When I tell people about me and Jason, they want to hear about our wedding because I tell them that we decided to get married and then did so only 10 days later.  Yep, I was technically only engaged for 3 days before I got hitched.  Looking back on our wedding, I still love every minute of the day and how we did it.  There was nowhere near the stress that comes with most weddings, and I am so thankful.  I wouldn't change a thing.

Here's this week's MilSpouse Friday Fill-In, and as always thanks to Wife Of A Sailor   for hosting.  Head over there to link up!




1. How many pets do you have? And what type? submitted by Life and Times of a Displaced Jersey Girl 
We don't have any pets here in Hawaii, but my Hannah B. is still in Mississippi.  She's some sort of Shepherd mix.  My guess is there is some Australian Shepherd in there, but there's no way to be sure since she was a pound puppy.

A few days after we reunited on the pier for the first time.

Raise your hand if you think birth order has some effect on your personality.  ::raises hand::  I don't think this just a little bit, either.  I fully, one hundred percent believe that a large part of any one person's personality comes from his or her position in the line of children.  


I am a first-born, and I am almost a stereo-typical one.  Traits of a first-born are as follows:

• People Pleasers
• Crave Approval
• Nurturers
• Caregivers
• Reliable
• Concientious
• Cooperative
• Team Players
• "Grin and bear it" mentatlity

Aggressive Traits

• Movers and shakers
• Natural leaders
• Perfectionists
• Driven
• Conventional
• Always have things under control
• Assertive
• Want things their way

Jason bought me my first BMW when I first got to Guam.  I loved this beauty.  She was a 1993 7.40 IL.  Gold, tan leather interior, sunroof.  She was old as all get-out and I loved her.  Mainly because she was the only one on Guam, and there wasn't really anything I could do to break a 26 year old car.




The only thing we ever did to Betty in the 2 years we had her was a few oil changes.  Oh, and replace the battery, but I left her sitting without starting her for 3 months, so that was understood.  She was great!  She only had something like 55,000 miles when we had to let her go.  We actually sold her for $500 more than we paid for her because she was still in such great shape.

So then we got to Hawaii last year and we needed a car.  During our car shopping we came across a 2003 BMW 3.25i that was in our price range.  We both figured that we could buy an 07ish Nissan or similar, or the 03 BMW.  It's older, but they are such great cars, and it still looked really great.  And it only had like, 55,000 miles on it.  Oh!  And the one we had back on Guam was 10 years older and still running perfectly! I had always heard that they are great cars until you have to do maintenance on them or repair them, but was that on my mind that day?  Nope.  We drove it and fell in love. That day we took her back home (to the BOQ..) and we drove her happily for the next 3 months.  Then the boat left the Pearl Harbor dry dock to come back to Guam, so Jason put her in storage.

The day we bought her

For the next 8 months we would both say things like "I can't wait to get back to our car in Hawaii!"  We really missed her.  So we got here and paid to get her out of storage and were happy to be driving her.  Until today.

I was driving my hot car around yesterday with the windows down and the sunroof open.  It was glorious!  But then I got home and the rear passenger window wouldn't roll up.  It sounded like there was loose gravel in the door.  Boo, car!

Oh well.. She needed an oil change anyway, and the BMW dealership gives you a loaner BMW to drive while your's is being repaired.. So no biggie.  Or so I thought.

I get to the dealership.  Let me just tell you, there is something special about purchasing a car from a "luxury" dealer.  You walk in and you are important.  There is an espresso machine with cardboard go cups with hand-wrappers, not a sad looking coffee pot beside a water cooler.  There are marble counter tops in the ridiculously plush restroom.  (Which, coincidentally, is the place where I threw up the only time during my pregnancy, but that's another story.)  All that to say, I got inside and I felt warm and fuzzy

The service manager is the nicest guy ever!  He played with KB, got me an espresso, made me feel good.  Then he gave me the damage.  Will The BWM Service Guy is no longer on my list of favorite people.  He says, "Ok Mrs. Frederick, I'm going to give you a 'shopping list', if you will, of the damage.  You can pick and choose what you'd like to do today."

First was the window repair: $750!  WHAT?!  Wow, that sucks, but ok.. Give me the rest.  He then proceeds to inform me that it's time for the 60,000 mile scheduled maintenance.  I don't even remember what all he told me about, but what sticks out most is that the HEPPA filter needs to be replaced.  (WHAT?!  My car has a HEPPA filter?!  WHY???)  Oh, and the other thing that sticks in my mind is that this SCHEDULED regular maintenance is going to be $4,000.

An old favorite song of mine quips "Getting the oil changed in the BMW is my baby's biggest fear."  Holy crap, now I see why!!  (And 10 bonus points for the first person who did NOT go to Ole Miss, but can recite the next line of that song.)  So, we are back to that thing where the maintenance on imported cars is absolutely awful.  Whatever.. I'm over it.
Driving my super hot car is not even worth all that to me.  Seriously, at this point I'm considering trading her in on a Ford.  Ok.. not really a Ford, but something considerably more reasonable.  I'm actually thinking about this one.  It's a 2011 Hyundai Sonata and it gets really great reviews.  And there isn't a single word about how expensive it is to maintain.

I've written before about how I'm a defiant eater.  As ridiculous as this sounds, I am even defiant toward myself. I'll get on a good streak of eating healthy, and then I'll think "Wait a minute.. I haven't eaten something terrible for me in 3 days!  I can do it if I want to, by golly!"  So, inevitably I do.  I run through a drive through or order a pizza or something of that nature.  I don't know why I do that, except for the fact that I just like bad-for-me food.  I seriously LOVE fried food.  (I'm Southern, for goodness sake!  I can fry anything, AND make it taste good!)  But it never fails that two things happen when I let my defiant nature take over:  #1, I feel guilty, guilty, guilty, and #2, I think "What's the point?"

I'm always aware that I have fantastic friends, but my last blog post proved it.  The outpouring of support that I received from y'all made me feel so much better.  Many of you had the same thing to say: "No, KB may not experience the same things you did growing up, but she will have other amazing experiences!"  I guess I never really let that sink in before now.  I've thought about it a few times, like when she got her passport at 3 months old.  That was crazy to me!  I didn't have a passport until I was 22!

But everybody is right.. She'll have amazing experiences that I've never really considered.  Going to spend the week with grandparents will be a fun trip, not an everyday thing.  And maybe going to Florence will be like a trip to the country.  Haha.. That makes me laugh.  I mean, Florence is country and all, but.. well, never mind.  It's hard to explain.

So, while I'm talking about Florence, here's another thing that's been on my mind a lot lately.  I am feeling so nostalgic!  I don't know why, but pretty much everything I see or hear reminds me of one person or another from my past.  I'm talking random people, too.  Like the roommate I had (and haven't seen since) my Sophomore year.  I would still consider her a friend, though we talk very rarely, but I don't think about her all the time or anything.  And the boy I had a crush on in 9th grade?  Wonder what he's up to now?  Well, I don't wonder much.. there is Facebook after all.  It's just weird how I'm thinking so much about my past when I am so very happy with my present.  Maybe it's just that time of year or something..

This is something I've really been struggling with for the past few weeks, so I want to ask for advice from my friends.  I am lucky enough to have friends all over the world who can help me understand or at least come to terms with this situation.

I am really struggling with the fact that KB's grandparents and great-grandparents can't be a part of her every-day life.  Coming from a background where I spent a significant amount of time with my grandparents, this is especially hard.  I love the feeling of a full heart that I get when I'm with my whole family.  It truly makes me sad that she won't know that feeling, at least not in the way that I do.

Now, don't get me wrong, we are very happy here.  I'm not sitting around crying because I'm homesick. I've done it before for sure, but this feeling is totally different.  And to be honest, both sides of our family are very good about not complaining too much.  They do complain that they are missing her, but I think it's fairly reasonable.  I miss them being around for the little things, too.

I think a big part of what is making this harder right now is that my family is throwing a birthday party for my 94 year old great-grandmother on Saturday.  She's never met KB because I was wary of taking an infant into a nursing home.  But now all I can think about is how much I want to be there with them this weekend.

Today was a huge growing day for me.  I really want to come home, but after a lot of thought, I've decided not to.  I don't want to become accustomed to running home whenever things get a little tough.  That's not me. I'm stronger than that. But this feeling is totally beyond me.  Like I said, I am very happy here; happier, in fact, than I ever was in Guam, so why can't I get this off my mind?

So how do I deal with my family issue?  How do I make it ok that KB will not likely ever experience whole-family Sunday dinners on a regular basis?  She won't have her spot at the dinner table, or know exactly what her grandmother's house smells like first thing on Summer mornings, when all she wants to do is sleep because her cousin kept her awake all night talking about boys. ("But you must get up at a reasonable hour, dear, or your whole sleep schedule will be off when you go back to school", she would say with a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.  To this day, smelling cigarettes first thing in the morning is very comforting to me.  Weird, huh?)  I so want my little girl to be close with her extended family, and not just via Skype and emails.  I want her cousin Shelby to be like her big sister. I want her aunt and uncles to be the coolest people around because they check her out of school to go to the zoo.  This is really hard for me right now, so any encouragement or advice would be appreciated.

{one} what is one food that, as an adult you love, but as a child you said you’d never touch?I was allergic to all seafood as a kid.  My parents couldn't even feed me fries if they had been fried in the same oil as any fish.  I finally grew out of it, but fish is an acquired taste.  I never, ever expected I would love tuna as much as I do now.. much less sashimi style!
{two} did you go to college? if yes, what was your major?I did go to college - Ole Miss class of 2007 - I majored in Psychology with a minor in Sociology.  Know what that degree is worth now?  Surely not as much as the frame in which it sits in my office.
{three} what’s the most wild animal you’ve seen in real life (not counting the zoo)?A carabou!  A carabou is the Guam version of a water buffalo.  I also randomly saw a bunch of wild hogs on Guam.  They were running around on base, and the thought of them running through my yard at night scared the crap out of me.
{four} have you ever been to a fortune teller?Of sorts.  I've been to a Tarot card reader in New Orleans.  He told me a lot about myself that was all pretty true.  Like how I "should" be working toward a higher degree than a BA, but I wasn't, so why wasn't I?  And about how I tend to mother my friends, which is very true.  He also told me that I was going to marry a man that was older than me and whom I loved because he provided me with an amazing sense of security.  I wouldn't just love him for that reason, but it would play a big part in our relationship.  He also told me that the man would have slight health problems.  He actually said the words "it might be allergies, or ADD, but you will mother him, too."  Whoa.  So creepy.  Except he also told me that I wouldn't have children with my husband.  I would have a child before I ever met and married my husband.  Oh well, 3 out of 4 ain't bad. {five} can you juggle?Not even a little bit.
{six} hardwood floors or carpet?Hardwood, any day of the week.  Carpet is more work, and have you ever cleaned under one?  Gross.
{seven} is it called “soda” or “pop”?Soda, unless I'm at home in Mississippi.  Then it's just a Coke.  They're all just Cokes.
{eight} what was your first car?A 1991 Honda Prelude.  My God, I loved that car.  She was bright red with a sunroof and a stock CD player.  Do you know how bad-ass a car had to have been to come with a stock CD player in 1991??  She had 140 on the dash, but I only ever got her up to 100.  Dad put 3 motors and 2 transmissions in her before we gave up on her.  The Little Red Rocket, may she rest in peace.
{nine} what is the most decadent dessert you've ever eaten?This chocolate mousse that Jason and I ordered at the Daniel Packer Inne in Mystic, CT.  It was our first Valentine's Day together, and we both still talk about that chocolate mousse.
{ten} how often do you rearrange your furniture?Rarely.  I'm not one of those people who needs a change every few months.  (Have you met my little brother?  Ask HIM this question..)  I re-arranged our living room once in the two years we were in Guam, and our bedroom once also.  I like things the way they are, mostly.

I've seen this one a few times now, and so it's my turn.  I'm getting this one specifically from The Thrifty Military Wife - Check her out!.  Mine will definitely be specific to my life, so there will be Submariner lingo in here.  Feel free to read and learn, and probably laugh at those silly Bubblehead boys.